An Inside Look: Part 3

By: Roger Wright

Writing Prompt: No

Date: 10th Aug 2021

If it ain’t broke, you can bet that I’m gonna break it

If there’s a wrong road, I’m damn sure gonna take it

Where there’s smoke, my pocket lighter sparked the fire

Where there’s blue lights, just read me my rights


Roger finished off his water and let a small grin cross his face. His eyes looked up and then down as his head slightly nodded forward and back before he relaxed a bit in his seat and set the empty bottle of water down on the table next to him.


Most of my life has been spent bargaining with everyone around me. Whether itís over the price, or cost to have a cow butchered, or the price of a new horse, a new house, a truck, all of it is making bargains. For the longest time it drove my life, I was the good guy, because that was the bargain I had with the fans. They would cheer for me, give me the energy to keep going, and in return I would be the hero of their story.†


I would ensure they had access to me, they could come to the ranch, I would spend hours after shows signing everything they put in front of me. There were trips to the hospital to greet kids, to grant wishes as the foundation put it. All of it done because that was the bargain, they cheer me, I give them play the part of the good guy. Not because I wanted to be the bad guy, donít get me wrong, but playing the good guy meant doing things I wouldnít have probably done.†


See when you play the good guy for too long you find out that you really are just the bad guy of someone elseís story. No one thinks they are the bad guy, look at Johnny, he never once truly believed he was wrong. But people would call him the bad guy. Or Xavier, deep down inside he never believed he was the bad guy. We as people assigned them that label, we made that bargain with them, even if they didnít know they were agreeing to it at the time.†


That might just be the hardest part of it all. The bargains that you make and you donít even know you are doing. When I would agree to meet a kid, I was making a bargain with him and the foundation. I couldnít show up and be someone different than what that kid saw me as. I had to be Roger Wright, and more specifically the Roger Wright he wanted to meet. I couldnít be Roger who was struggling inside, whose heart was lost and confused, who was questioning if he wanted to even keep wrestling. No, I had to be Roger Wright, the hero he saw me as.


It takes a toll on each and every one of us. Because when we join this business no one tells you about the bargain that you are making. The owners leave it out, the talent scouts donít say it, hell your fellow competitors donít even bring it up. But we all feel it everyday. I walk through an airport and no one sees a texas rancher, they see Roger Wright professional wrestler, they see the man that is on their TV laying everything on the line.†


They see my daughter and all they see is a mini Roger Wright, they expect her to be just like me. But they donít even know the real me. Not that I am all that different outside of the ring, but like I said, if everything I did was what I wanted then things would be done differently. But thatís the bargain, the hidden covenant that we make when we sign that contract. Thatís probably why I have made the decision that I have made regarding the future of my career.


No, they don’t make guys like me, you get exactly what you see

I come from a long line of bloodline that ain’t gonna change

So, take your pistol-pointing finger right off of the trigger

I know where to aim, hell, I’m to blame


Letís start with who I am. I may be the good guy, I may be the bad guy, but from this point forward I will always be the good guy in my own eyes. There canít be anymore doing things just because someone out there wants me to be something I am not. Does that mean I plan on screaming obscenities at people and treating them like dirt? Not at all, it just means the reaction people will get will be purely the reaction I want to give.†


Over the last few months I have learned the most important thing there was to learn. I have learned what I want in this life and that is to be me. Trying to live up to someone elseís standards was doing nothing but destroying me from the inside out. There were too many thoughts being spent on what people would think and not enough time spent on what I wanted. Every decision was made to make someone else happy, costing me my own happiness, making me blind to what was in front of me the whole time.


That is my new bargain to everyone. A bargain that there is no choice in for anyone, something they will have to accept, no more planned out Roger. Every minute of every day I will do what I want to do, not because it makes someone else happy, but because it makes me happy. I will do things to make the people I care about happy, because them being happy will make me happy. I havenít spent the last few months building things because I felt obligated, I did it because I saw the joy that it brought to everyone around me, and most importantly I felt the joy it brought to me.


I have spent the last 15 years of my life going a million miles an hour, trying to find my way through this life, never slowing down to actually figure out what I needed or wanted in this life. For the first time since my parents passed away I got the chance to slow down, to really get away from everything. Calling it eye opening is probably the most slimmed down way to explain it.†


There are a lot of people out there that would say Ďwhat is this rich asshole talking about, what could he probably have to be unhappy about?í Itís a fair question, and if they donít get it at this point, then they probably wonít ever get it. But I donít feel the need to explain myself to them anymore, because at the end of the day I understand what my dad used to always tell me when I was a youngster. ĎThose who matter donít care why and those that care why donít matter.í For nearly my entire life I misunderstood what he had meant by that.


Where there’s a love, I tell ya, girl, I love to hate it

Where there’s a “do not touch”, my fingerprint done stained it

Where there’s a train wreck, sit on back and watch me crash

Where there’s a “what you say?” damn right I said it


Roger nodded his head with a smile on his face.


So yeah my entire life has been a series of bargains, ones that I didnít even know I was making. But that’s going to change, I am the one from this point forward who will be in control of the bargains that I am making. Whether itís with my business, whether I come back to the ring, or if I meet the woman of my dreams. My narrative will be my narrative, no one else is going to control my actions or thoughts.†


I know the millions dollar question is still out there, everyone still wants to know just what Roger is going to do. Itís not time yet, and not because you donít deserve to know, but because I just donít think itís time to tell anyone yet. When I am ready to tell the world the truth, I will do just that, for now it is my secret, then it will be Marieís secret, and then the world will know. That will make some people mad, old me would say sorry, but I am not sorry. Maybe next time I will let everyone else in on the secret, but I make no promises.


To Be Continued…