Don’t Say You’ve Earned It

By: Ophelia Pain

Date: 14th Sep 2021

You’re not pushing hard enough!! Dig deep!! 5 more!!

I’d been doing squats with 20 pounds on each shoulder for what felt like forever. When Tara promised she’d turn me into a beast, I didn’t think she meant a beast with asthma! My arms and legs burned like they were on fire, my heart was pounding so hard I was sure you could see it through my chest, and my breath was coming at irregular intervals. I’m about to die…I’m legit going to pass away a week after I said “I Do”…there’s no way they won’t believe he didn’t have anything to do with it…I should stop and write a note incriminating Tara…”To Whom It May Concern: the bitch with the blue hair did this to me! She is a demon woman and made me do squats until I died. Sincerely, Ophelia “My Thighs Hurt” Pain-Pinkston”

Alright! That’s 2 minutes! Get some water and meet me at the boxes…

Are you high?! I just did a million and a half squats and you expect me to JUMP?! I would put my foot down if I could lift my leg…

Tara looked up from her watch, took a swig of water, and looked at me as if she had just noticed I was there…

45 seconds left…quit bitching or you’ll be jumping thirsty…

I fucking hate you…

Then maybe you shouldn’t have made me one of your Maid’s of Honor…

No! You don’t get to bring up reception shit while you’re kicking my ass!!

20 seconds…

Fuck!

I ran over to the wall and guzzled as much water as I could in the 20 seconds she was allowing me, gulping my water like a toddler whose been playing outside gulps Kool-Aid…I knew if I didn’t have my ass over at the boxes by the time her watch went off, I was going to be on the floor sobbing and she would still expect me to complete my circuit. I threw my water bottle against the wall and busted ass across the gym, reaching the boxes just in time for the Watch of Death to buzz…

Barely made it…

Suck it…

Awwwww….so hostile to the person that owns your ass!

LC is here?

Very funny…3 feet from the floor…10 reps…go!

I groaned loudly and started jumping…

Part of me was psyched though. It could have been burpees…and burpees make me want to die…

I had gotten myself up to 5 feet before my legs staged a protest and quit Team Pheelz…as I lay on the floor wheezing, Tara stood over me looking quite proud of herself…

I’m going to have you jumping 6 feet soon…you’ll be like a red headed spider monkey!

I rolled over from the fetal position holding my burning sides….

Fuck…………..you………..

She chuckled and laid on the floor next to me staring up at the ceiling…I still hadn’t quite caught my breath at this point, but the company on the floor was nice…

I can’t believe you’re married…

I know…I have a hard time believing it when I wake up next to him in the morning…

After I had let Tara, Adi, Betsy, and Kasey know they were all my Maids of Honor, Tara was the first to text me…I thought she might take it easy on me today in the gym, but if anything, it seemed to just push her to punish me more…I had already bought the reception dress and it fits perfectly. The way she was working me out, I was going to have to find someone to take it in a little bit the night before the party…

What are you doing the rest of the day?

I’m not sure… I’ll probably call and make sure everything is good with the cake and caterers…make sure everything is good with the open bar….

You sure an open bar is a good idea?

I was apprehensive about it…but its going to be in the pole barn away from the main barn…and I’ve made it fairly clear that I won’t be accepting drinks or shots…plus it’s LC’s wedding reception too…just because I can’t drink doesn’t mean he shouldn’t…

I shrugged. I had given a lot of thought about whether or not we should have a hookah bar or an open bar…not many people partake in the same extra curriculars as LC and I do and I didn’t want to alienate any of our guests, because lets face it…the amount of people pissed off that they weren’t invited to the wedding keeps growing every day…I knew his parents were going to be pissed, I knew my friends were going to be pissed, but I did not expect so many people to be as upset as they were…

It wasn’t like we weren’t inviting anyone on purpose…we wanted to get married as soon as possible for no other reason than we didn’t want to wait any longer. The more people we involved, the more time we were going to have to wait…He wanted to be my husband and I wanted to be his wife and that was that.

Well…I think we’ll go ahead and schedule for tomorrow…then Tuesday and Thursday next week so that you’ll be able to walk at your party…I’m gonna get with Adi, Betsy, and Kasey and see what they have planned for your bachelorette party…

Oh you guys don’t-

Shut it…you’re getting one!

But a sober bachel-

Its happening…

Tara it’ll be so-

Stop talking or you’re doing burpees…

The bitch knew how to shut me up…

On the ride home, I stopped and grabbed some lunch. My radio started ringing with Walter’s face popping up on the screen. I hit the answer button…

Hey…

You on yer way home?

Yes…why? What’s up?

Oh…Tilly-

Say no more…

Okay…see you in a bit…

He hung up the phone and I sighed. This kid was going to be the death of me. I didn’t want her to miss the reception, so I brought her home from Jeffree’s a couple of weeks early, hoping she would chill out, but it seems to have made her worse…

She was PISSED that she missed the wedding. She felt that if Jeffree had been there, she should have been…but there was no way I was going to take her to Vegas with as disrespectful and entitled she’s been acting lately. I’m not sure where this all came from, but I was getting frustrated…I know that I was, by no means, a perfect or well behaved child, but I was given the opportunity to shape her mind and be a mentor…but she resents everything I do…

I pulled through the winding driveway up to the house. Walt and LC were sitting on the porch…Walt was whittling and LC was smoking a bowl…I heard very loud obnoxious mumble rap coming from inside. I sighed heavily and handed Walt the bag of tacos.

OoOoOoOoOh! Tacos!

Tacos?! Fuck yeah! Thanks, love!

No problem…what’s her issue?

I was watchin Gunsmoke and asked her to turn her music down…she ignored me so I went in there and took the cord from her stereo, so used that bullshit Bluetooth and connected to all the speakers in the damned house…

I loved Walt, but his lack of technology know how was incredibly frustrating at times…

And you couldn’t help him?

Baby…this bowl is packed with “Can you help me get home?”….I barely know where the fuck I am right now…but I know you’re my beautiful wife…

I rolled my eyes and couldn’t help but smile…he’s so cute…

I smooched Walt’s cheek and LC’s forehead as they tucked in to the bag of tacos…

Wish me luck…

They both held their tacos up to me and said ‘luck’ at the same time, chuckling happily…my boys…

I pulled out my phone and turned off the house Bluetooth, making the awful wailing crybaby sounds disappear. I heard a door open up the stairs and stomping…

WHAT THE FUCK WALTER?! THAT’S MY MU-oh………hey….

Well hello there sunshine…

She rolled her eyes and turned around to go back to her room…

Uh uh…get your ass down here…

She groaned angrily and descended he stairs, followed me into the living room and threw herself across the couch. I sat in the chair across from her and crossed my legs…

Can we hurry this Brady Bunch crap up please?

What is your problem?

What do you mean what is my problem?

Am I speaking Chinese?

She rolled her eyes…

You’ve been quite the dick lately…to everyone…awful lot of flapping your gums for someone that’s fully dependent on the people in this house for comfort and survival…

I didn’t ask you to take me in…

I wasn’t going to let you go to foster care when your parents went to jail…

I wish you would have…

Really now?

Yeah…then maybe I would have lucked out with a parent that actually cared about me instead of a selfish aunt that doesn’t care enough about me to stick around…

I stared at her in disbelief…I felt my heart break and my breath caught in my chest…

And then without warning, my vision went black…

When I came to it was like I was seeing the world for the first time, but one thing was familiar to me….anger….I looked at Tilly who was standing and staring at me with pure rage in her face…

Hey fuck you kid!

She seemed taken aback by what I had said…but I didn’t really give two shits at this point…it was time this disrespectful and ungrateful little crotch goblin got a dose of her own medicine…

Did you just-

Yes the fuck I did! Yes I just said fuck you! And I mean how fucking dare you! After all that I have done and all that I have given to you!! Our life! Her love! Oh and if you stayed with your father who couldn’t stay clean long enough to remember to fucking feed you?! He STILL talks to me like I owe him something by taking you in and raising you as my fucking own!

She stood staring at me, with a mixture of confusion, hurt, and anger on her face…

I never asked you to so why do you act like I owe you something?! Don’t you think I deserved a choice?!

To live on the street with your strung out mother or in a foster home with someone that only gives a shit about how many more food stamps you bring into the home?!

To be happy!!

If you’re not fucking happy, then go! But don’t you fucking dare look down on me because I want happiness! I’ve earned happiness, Matilda! And you know what else, don’t you dare bitch at me about my career, little miss progressive. Yes I worked my ass off to get where I am! And I wanted it! I wanted to mean something in this world! I didn’t know that was a fucking crime! Life isn’t perfect! But you know what? You’re young! You go out and you try to make the perfect life and see how fucking easy it is! And stop bitching and complaining and blaming me!! I earned this shit! So fuck you!!

She stood there looking at me, her blue eyes wide with tears of frustration, anger, and fear. The look made me feel righteous…I felt no remorse or guilt when I looked into her eyes. The tears spilled onto her cheeks and I refused to back down…

Take your ungrateful ass upstairs and I don’t want to see your face until tomorrow!

Are you going to feed me?

You’re grown! You can feed yourself!

She ran up the stairs and I heard her bedroom door slam. I looked around the room and inhaled deeply…

What the fuck is going on?

I’m just as fucking confused as you are…

Murder!! This is fucking serious!!! How do we fix this?!

Fix it?! I think I like this better…there’s nothing to fix…where’s that husband of ours?

Don’t you fucking dare!!!

I think I’d like to see how he likes the crazy part of us…he’s probably getting tired of your vanilla ass…

I swear to God when I figure out how to get out of here, I’m calling to doctor for my anti-psychotics!!! You touch LC and you go bye-bye!

Pretty big talk from a disembodied voice in MY head…damn…no wonder you love this power…

I looked down and touched the body. It had been a while since I felt our skin…it felt soft and warm. There was a little meat where there wasn’t the last time I was in control of the body. I held our soft red hair in the tips of my fingers…my fingertips delicately touched the lips and cheeks. Everything felt nice…made me sad that we were locked down forever…

Damn Pheelz…we’re hot!

No! I’M hot! And I’m someone’s hot WIFE! Stop playing with me and let me out!!!

Alright alright! Calm your tits! How did you get in there?

This isn’t some huge mystery, Scooby Doo! I got mad and you came out! So YOU calm down and let me out of here!!

Babe?

Hubby had poked his head in the door and a smile spread across The Face from cheek to cheek…

In here, handsome…

LC came walking into the living room with a look of concern on his face…he seemed confused when I greeted him with a smile.

Everything okay?

I looked him up and down…the tattoos definitely made him look yummy…I wonder if he’d be open to wearing a bag over his head…

Don’t….you….dare! I mean it, Murder!!!!!

I rolled my eyes…

Everything’s fine now…I’m the worst Aunt ever of course…

Naturally…

He walked over and wrapped us up in his arms…he smelled like weed and cologne. It was an inviting smell. His arms were strong and warm…I felt myself melting in to him…and then without warning, the world suddenly went black…I felt the knees buckle and the eyes roll in the back of our head…

When I once again came to, LC was standing over me. I looked around in a panic, frantically grabbing at my body and face as tears formed in my eyes and my heart pounded. I grabbed on to his hoodie for dear life, wrapped my arms around his neck, and sobbed into his shoulder. He confusedly sank down to the floor next to me, stroking my hair and telling me it was going to be okay. He kissed my head over and over as I began to sob with a mixture of relief and fear…

It had been so long since I had lost control like that. It had been so long since she broke through. My mind had been so strong for so long and all of the sudden, every ounce of mental strength I had maintained was swept away. In a moment of rage, I lost every little bit of control I had been able to fight for…

And I lost it on Tilly…the most innocent person in my life. The last person that deserved my wrath…

I think you mean MY wrath…

I suddenly stopped crying. Lewis held my face in his hands and wiped my tears with his thumbs. I started to catch my breath as I looked at him. I touched his cheek gently, as if seeing him for the first time. As soon as he wrapped his arms around me, I regained the control…as soon as he held me close, it was like she faded away…now I understood why she is so afraid of him…

For the record, I’m not afraid of him…I just don’t like him…

He’s my comfort…my light in the darkness and now it all makes sense to me. She doesn’t want him around because he can make her go away. His love offers me the peace that I need to be able to be strong enough to keep her at bay. He keeps her at bay…and keeps my head clear enough to fight her off…and in this moment, a thought occurred to me to me as I looked into his confused brown eyes.

I’ll be right back…

I stood up and left the room before he could answer me. I felt like I needed to get this out of my brain before I had a chance to forget it…

I walked into the bathroom and locked the door behind me, flipping the light on and confronting myself in the mirror. Call it a hallucination, call it a psychotic break, call it just flat out crazy, but my reflection looked back at me with an annoyed expression…

What?

I need you to help me…

With what?

We all know that being tough isn’t exactly my strong suit. Its no secret that if a situation can be handled with words, I would much rather take that route than fight…

And yet you’re in a profession where you literally fight people for a living…

Okay…so we’ll add logic to my list of weaknesses, but regardless…I need your help…I need you to be strong when I’m not…

Meaning?

Meaning it’s not going to be me stepping into the ring anymore…I want to give you control…

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOh! Control huh? Can I drink?

No…

Can I smoke?

No…

Can I do anything fun?

Maim? Hurt? Destroy? Those don’t sound fun to you?

Of course they do…I’ve been waiting for so long for you to let me shine. Since the day you created me…you’ve known that I’ve had the backbone that you lack. You’ve known that my bloodlust and desire for violence far outweighs anything feeling or desire for violence you’ve ever had in your life…You’ve fought for so long to prove that YOU’RE the badass in this dynamic and you’re finally read to admit that its not you…it’s me…

Yes…I am…you are everything that I wish I could be. Cold, heartless, blood thirsty…I need you now…

You want me especially this week. You’re against someone fresh off a title win….and he’s all jacked up on testosterone and ready to dispose of you like yesterday’s Gucci…

So how do we beat him?

We could hit him where it hurts…right in the ego…never mention his name…never offer him any sense of validation that he is anything other than another name on a list…a notch in a title belt…men like him NEED validation…without the screaming fan girls, they’re nothing…without someone telling them they’re SOMETHING, they’re nothing…and to remind them of that means to destroy them…

So our game this week is a mental one?

At least until we get to Friday…once we get to Friday, he’s going to understand what the term “bat shit crazy” means…

There is a lot of batshit crazy out there nowadays…

But only one that’s certifiable, Ophelia. That’s us…Mason Vanderpump hasn’t ever been faced with the likes of us. We can call his moves before he even has a chance to do so…you’re a slut who slept her way to the top, go home to your husband, no one has suffered more than me especially not some former junkie…just like every other pissant rich boy around here that doesn’t know what its like to build yourself up from the darkness…he is no different than any of these other pieces of shit that walk around here with a silver spoon hanging out of their asses, preaching about “fighting for what they have”…working for a loft and a fake tit skank that wouldn’t give you a second glance if you didn’t have money for plastic surgery or Botox injections?

We have been to the bottom of the deepest darkest parts of the human mind and fought our back. We have suffered through lying on the cold wet ground, begging this body to give in to the dark forever just for the sake of not having to feel anything anymore…We have prayed that the next shot will be our last…we have come back from being utterly hopeless and lost…we have come back stronger and more dangerous with everything that didn’t kill us…We have fed the desolation and pain until it is satisfied enough to lift off of our chest and allow us a moment to breathe…

Sobriety is something you fight for every day…you’ve fought for it every single day for almost 4 years…So what the fuck does this entitled little man about the Fight? What the fuck does he know about earning and deserving?!

We have EARNED our life!

We have EARNED our darkness!

We have fought and survived tragedy this little peabrained nobody couldn’t even fathom…hardships that would make him shit his Calvin Kline manties…we emerged from the shadows with an appreciation for our life and what we have that Bacon Vanderslute could never understand…and he will learn that this week…

And he will learn it the hard way…

A sudden knock on the door broke her tirade. We both looked at the door in surprise and mild annoyance…

Babe?

I took a deep breath and calmed my temper a little before I opened the door…Lewis was standing outside the door looking incredibly concerned…

Are you okay? I’m really worried about you…

I looked at my reflection in the mirror…a small smirk was tickling the corner of her lips…

I’m great…

I kissed him and wrapped my arms around his neck, feeling him wrap his arms around me.

————————————————————————————————————–

Absolutely I am in recovery…I was a junkie with a $200 a day habit. Dope sick on a regular basis…3 different stints in 3 different rehab centers…2 and a half years in a federal prison for drug smuggling…hooking to support my habit…

I am not proud of my past, but I am so proud of the woman I have become. I am so proud of the work I have done to accomplish everything I have in life…

What have you done, Mason? Exit a vagina directly into private school? Grow some hair in your special areas and then try to make a name for yourself? Normally, I would have a little more respect for someone who had served our country, but right now…all you are is a spoiled little rich boy who needs to be taught a lesson…

You’re about to step into the ring with the Vixen of Violence, Ritchie Rich…I hope you know a good plastic surgeon because I’m gonna fuck that pretty boy face up…