( : E \/\/ O : ) Murder Inc. iN: how murder inc. stole joe mont’s christ.. (THROWBACK – 12/24/2008)

By: Paul Montuori

Writing Prompt: No

Date: 18th Jul 2021




$ | t | h | u | g | $
IděL | A Conventional Religous Image |
IcěN | A Representation Or A Symbol Of An Object Of Worship |
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Too Fuckin’ Bad

Title Of This | fuck saint nick

Fade in. The back and forth exchange of words between Murder Inc and Focus has become regular. Joe Montuori, backed mainly by Brandon Seraphim Moore, sparked the exchange with a serious of comedic promo’s. Murder Inc responded in a different manner. Their idea of comedy was far more criminal. As Jerome and Paul Montuori stole Joe’s 2009 Lexus IS and went joyriding around Compton! Since then the card for Jingle Hell was released. A interesting card to say the least. We see now more than ever how the man is holding Jerome down. As Joe Montuori and Nick Starks battle it out to be crowned the first ever Evolution of Wrestling Affliction Champion. The real number one contender, Jerome, finds himself in a tag team match against mid-cards men. Drew Austin and John Rawlings? Has it really come to this? Jerome, still undefeated, still Chainsaw Champion ( cuz they haven’t taken that title away yet ), is in a match for the Worlds Tag Team Championship!? Don’t get it wrong, Jerome is happy that Murder Inc was given a chance to show the world they are the most dominant team around. But Jerome deserves more, he fills 75% of the seats at the EOW arenas, he is the reason people show up. The Chainsaw championship itself is nothing without Jerome holding it! Jerome was stripped of his NCW Intercontinental Championship. The Championship he won when HE, not Joseph Bryant, made Joe Montuori submit. Jerome’s number one contendership for the World Championship has been swept under the rug. The EOW, along with every other wrestling promotion has done their very best to suppress Jerome Jordan. But Jerome will not be held back any longer! If he is not given the chance to shine, he will steal it!

We fade in to find ourselves in a car. We are seated in the back, looking up we find Jerome once again behind the wheel, and Paul Montuori riding shotgun. To no surprise we see Paul Montuori twisting up a White Owl cigar full of that California Chronic. As he seals the blunt, he places it between his lips and sparks his lighter. Taking a few hits off the blunt and then choking, coughing and laughing. Paul Montuori reaches out, handing the L to Jerome.

[P [I [M [P ” God damn it’s good to be back in California, haha. ”

As Jerome reaches out to take the L, we see Joe Montuori’s custom watch still shining bright on Jerome’s wrist. We begin to wonder where we are headed. Is this another stolen car? The last ride we took with Murder Inc ended up in a foot chase with the police. And something tells us this will be no different!

The cars continues seems to be circling a particular block while Jerome and Paul Montuori finish their blunt. As P Mont takes the last hits off the L and throws it out the window, Jerome brings the car to a slow stop. Places the gear in park Jerome looks over at P Mont.

JEROME ” Christmas coming early fo’ us dis year playa. “

As Jerome goes to exit the car, Paul Montuori stops him with a huge grin on his face. Jerome looks puzzled as Paul reaches underneath the car seat and pulls out a book. He holds it, showing a picture of the Grinch on the cover. But the title seems to have been altered, now reading “How Murder Inc. Stole Joe Mont’s Christmas.” Jerome laughs, seeing the title. Paul opens the book to the first page, clearing his throat.

[P [I [M [P ” Every person in EOW liked Joe Montuori a lot. But Murder Inc. who knew the real Joe Montuori did NOT! Murder Inc. hated Joe Montuori! Hated Joe Montuori for committing such treason! Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason. It could be our heads weren’t screwed on just right. It could be, perhaps, that our shoes were too tight. But I think that the most likely reason of all may have been that Joe Montuori’s heart was two sizes too small. ”

Jerome shakes his head as he gets out of the car, Paul following suit.

[P [I [M [P ” But, whaever the reason, his heart or our shoes, we stood there on Christmas Eve, hating that Jew. Staring down from atop the hill that overlooks his mansion with a sour, Grinchy frown at the warm lighted windows below in his house. For we knew every Montuori down on the property beneath was busy now, hanging a mistletoe wreath. ”

We get a look at our location. We can’t help but laugh. We are here again? The audacity of these two. To once again show up at Joe Montuori’s property. But what do they have in store now?

[P [I [M [P ” And they’re hanging their stockings!” I snarled with a sneer, “Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here! Then I growled, with my fingers rolling a blunt, “We MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming! For, tomorrow, we knew.. All the Montuori girls and boys would wake bright and early. They’d rush for their toys! And then! Oh, the smiles! Oh, the smiles! SMILES! SMILES! SMILES! That’s one thing we hated! The smiles! Smiles! Smiles! Smiles! Then the Montuoris, young and old, would sit down to a feast. And they’d feast! And they’d feast! And they’d feast! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! They would feast on guido spaghetti and guido veal which was something that I couldn’t stand in the least! “

As Jerome and Paul meet up by the trunk. Pulling their hoods over their heads, Jerome pops the trunk, where the camera catches a quick glimpse of what appears to be a pound of marijuana and a solid chunk of a brown substance wrapped up in clear Glade seal. Jerome grabs a handgun out of the trunk, tucking it in his waistband.

[P [I [M [P ” What’s that all about? ”

JEROME ” Shiit, Just incase. ”

Paul shrugs, continuing the Murder Inc. Christmas story as Jerome peers inside the trunk, seeing a duffel bag he didn’t know was in there. He opened it up, as a smirk came across his face. He goes to say something but Paul stops him, holding up his hand.

[P [I [M [P ” And THEN they’d do something I liked least of all! Every Montuori down on the property, the tall and the small, would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing. They’d stand hand-in-hand. And the Montuori’s would start singing! They’d sing! And they’d sing! And they’d SING! SING! SING! SING! And the more I thought of this Montuori-Christmas-Sing, the more I thought, I must stop this whole thing! Why, for twenty-six years I’ve put up with it now! I MUST stop this Christmas from coming! But HOW? Then I got an idea! An awful idea! Paul Montuori got a wonderful, awful idea! I know just what to do! I laughed in my throat. ”

Paul reached into the trunk, taking out a Santa Claus outfit from the duffel bag pulling it on over his clothes, then plopping the Santa Claus hat down on his head.

[P [I [M [P ” And I made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat. And I chuckled, and clucked, What a great Monty trick! With this coat and this hat, I look just like Saint Nick! All I need is a reindeer.. I looked around. But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found. Did that stop ol’ Monty? No! I simply said, If I can’t find a reindeer, I’ll make one instead! So I looked over at my dawg, Jerome. Then I took some red thread and I tied a big horn on the top of his head. ”

Paul pulls out makeshift antlers from the trunk. Jerome backs up, grabbing a hold of the grip of the gun.

JEROME ” Hold da’ fuck on. I ain’t puttin’ no fuckin’ antlers on my fuckin’ head! ”

[P [I [M [P ” Come on dood, you’re fucking the Murder Inc. Christmas story. “

JEROME ” Fuck da’ Christmas story, no fuckin’ way. ”

[P [I [M [P ” Dood, I’ll give ya’ first dibs on a present. Ya’ can have first picks on whichever present ya’ want. ”

JEROME ” Maaan.. Gimme’ that shit. ”

Jerome takes the antlers from Paul’s hands, putting it on top of his LA Lakers fitted cap. He looks pissed as Paul tries to hold back the laughter.

[P [I [M [P ” Ya’ look like a fucking G. ”

JEROME ” Fuck you.. ”

Before shutting the trunk, Paul grabs the same pair of wire cutters he used last time to get in along with the empty duffel bag. Jerome quietly closes the trunk.

[P [I [M [P ” THEN He loaded some bags and some old empty sacks and a pair of wire cutters and he left old Jerome. Then the Monty Python said, Giddap! And he started down toward the home where the Montuoris lay a-snooze in their mansion. “

As Paul crouches down and makes his way down towards the fence, Jerome hangs back by the car. We watch as P Mont appears to be struggling with cutting the fence. P Mont in anger kicks at the fence, then turns and walks back up towards Jerome.

[P [I [M [P ” The asshole’s got some kind of reinforced strong ass fencing on that son of a bitch now, we’ll never be able to break it this time dog. “

JEROME ” Shit nigga, deres gotta be another way… What da fuck am I thinking? You is family son! You can get us in dere! ”

[P [I [M [P ” You right, follow me. ”

They slowly make their way down the hill, this time walking around to the main gate. Jerome grows nervous, stepping back but Paul urges him to follow. They walk up to the security outpost where the gate guard is sitting drinking coffee. He looks up, recognizing Paul.

Security ” Mr. Montuori, nice seeing you again. “

[P [I [M [P ” You too John, hey don’t tell anyone I’m here. It’s a surprise for Joe and the family. “

Security ” Dressing like Santa Claus to surprise the family, huh? ”

[P [I [M [P ” Yeah, that’s exactly right. Surprise the family. Have a good Christmas John. ”

The gate slowly swings open as Murder Inc. makes their way onto the compound. They slowly crept up to the house.

[P [I [M [P ” All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air. All the Montuori’s were all dreaming sweet dreams without care when they came to the main house on the grounds. This is our number one stop, the old Monty Claus hissed and he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist. Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch. But, if Santa could do it, then so could the Monty. He got stuck only once, for a moment or two. Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue where the little Montuori stockings all hung in a row. These stockings, I grinned, are the first things to go! ”

Paul tosses the stockings into the bags. He walks over to the sliding glass door, slowly opening it. Jerome stands in shock that a human being actually slide down a chimney into a house. Paul shrugs, dusting himself off, waving Jerome in. They walked into the main living room where the huge Christmas tree stood with all the presents. Jerome grabbed the first present it, seeing it marked from Brandon Moore. He rips it open, and drops it grossed out. Paul leans over, looking in the box, laughing.

JEROME ” ‘Dis is bullshit. I get anotha’ one. ”

[P [I [M [P ” Bullshit. You got to open the present first. It’s not my fault it happened to be a huge black dildo. Now my turn. ”

Paul reaches underneath the tree, pulling out a small box. He rips it open as a smile comes across his face. A Rolex, the exact same one stolen by Jerome. He puts it on his wrist, holding it up.

[P [I [M [P ” First matching Rolex’s, next matching titles. ”

Jerome laughs, as he goes to tearing through the presents, tossing the goods ones in the bag.

JEROME ” HaHa shiit son. I hadnt even gone shopping yet! Thanks Joe. Not only I got new shit fo’ mmahself, but I wont look like a piece of shit on Christmas now cuz I got all dese expensive white boy gifts ta hand out! Ya really came through for us dis year Joe! What a guy! Ya know, maybe I was wrong aout you! Buyin all da niggas on Acacia Block gifts like dis!.. HAHA, one some real shit tho, you bitch made white boy! We done did it again. Shiiit, ya really never should have started shit wiff us Murder Inc Niggas! I done told you Joey, we dont play around! Ya wana talk all dat comedy shit, call a nigga Carlton? Well son, Carlton done stole yo’ ride, stole yo watch, stole yo replacement watch, and stole Christmas! Bitch made white boy! ”

[P [I [M [P ” Then they slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant, around the whole room, and they took every present! Rolex’s! And DVD’s! PS3’s! Drums! Checkerboards! Gold! Diamonds! But not dildos! And they stuffed them in bags. Then Murder Inc., very nimbly, tossed all the bags, one by one, out the porch door! Then they slunk to the icebox. They took the Montuori’s feast! They took the guido-pudding! They took the roast beast! They cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash. Why, Murder Inc. even took their last sack of Montuori-hash! Then they stuffed all the food out the door with glee. ”

JEROME ” Yo ‘dis is sum fuckin’ ill ass chicken parm. ”

Paul laughed as Jerome was shoveling the food into his mouth.

JEROME ” Shit way betta’ den ‘dat guvment cheese. ”

[P [I [M [P ” And NOW!” grinned Paul Montuori, “I will stuff up the tree! And Paul grabbed the tree, and he started to drag when he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove. He turned around fast, and he saw a small Montuori! Little Cindy-Lou Montuori, who was not more than two. The Grinch had been caught by this tiny Montuori daughter Who’d got out of bed for a cup of cold water. She stared at Paul and said. “

Cindy-Lou ” Uncle Paulie, why, Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY? ”

[P [I [M [P ” But, you know, that Paul Montuori was so smart and so slick he thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick! Why, my sweet little niece,” the Monty Claus lied, “There’s a light on this tree that won’t light on one side. So I’m taking it home to my workshop, my dear. I’ll fix it up there. Then I’ll bring it back here. “

Cindy-Lou ” OK Uncle Paulie. “

His niece turned back and made her way out of the living room. Jerome hadn’t stopped moving the whole time, finally letting out a sigh. Paul went back to reading.

[P [I [M [P ” And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head And he got her a drink and he sent her to bed. And when Cindy-Lou Montuori went to bed with her cup, HE went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up! Then the last thing he took was the log for their fire! Then they went out the door, them two, Murder Inc. On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire. And the one speck of food That he left in the house was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse. ”

They stepped out, dragging the bags with them. They pass the guard who looks at them suspiciously. Paul just gives them a little wave. They make their way up the hill, stopping by the car.

[P [I [M [P ” It was quarter past dawn. All the Montuoris, still a-bed, all the Montuori’s, still a-snooze. When they packed up the car, packed it up with their presents. The ribbons! The wrappings! The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings! High up on the head, on the side of Mt. Montuori. ”

Paul stops as Jerome has started a fire, tossing the tree onto it. Reading ahead it seems Paul doesn’t like how the story ends. He shakes his head.

[P [I [M [P ” Yo, fuck this. ”

Paul dumps the book into the fire as he sparks up the blunt he rolled earlier.

JEROME ” Joey Mont. HaHa, da big number one contender for da Affliction Championship. No wait dats me, you is just da white boy in mah spot! Joey, dont even git me started on dat last promo you spit! What da fuck was dat son?! Do us all a favor nigga, stay da fuck out da studio from here on out! I dont know how much money you paid dat nigga Timberland ta crack a smile and bob his head but dat nigga lost da respect of black people world wide when he cut dat garbage track wiff yo’ ass! DAMN WHITE BOY, I DIDNT REALIZE TRE DOWNZ WAS GHOST WRITTING DEM RAPS FOR YOU! Haha, Joe your attempt at a flow made Nick Starks promo’s look like gold! Do you know how hard it is to make dat unoriginal white boy look good? Joey Jo, dis is da biggest match of yo’ career, and you are more worried about me den you are your opponent. I can see why it be hard ta git a nigga like Jerome out yo’ head. I can only begin ta imagine da fear I must strike in a bitch nigga like yo’self!.. Joey nigga, after me and yo’ brother are crownded da first ever EoW tag team champions, I will see ta it dat you fall ta Nicky Starks! Dat cell cant stop me from getting ta you Joey! And ya better recognize dat Jerome will do everything in his power ta rain on yo’ parade! I mean shit, if ya aint figured it out yet white boy. Wake up! I stole yo’ ride, den I broke inta ya crib and stole Christmas! HAHAHA, Shit son, I control you. There aint no mo’fuckin Christmas dis year fo’ you because Paul Montouri and Jerome said so! You see what I be saying bitch nigga? You aint winning dat title Joey, because Jerome aint letting you! ”

[P [I [M [P ” Joe lucky he got everyone in this promotion sucking his cock. Shit won’t last for long. Focus is on their way out. Vinz took off, won’t be long before his wife follows suit and B-Moore finally gets his medication and gets his mind right. Then Murder Inc. gonna take over and we’ll be the ones running shit. We about to scoop up all the fucking gold in this bitch. Fuck Focus! Then you got John Rawlings, dood sees he’s booked against us and suddenly wants to boycott, strike. How convenient, the little bitch is boycotting the match, not wanting to say shit. Fuck him. His little boyfriend Drew Austin is following suit. Both of you bitches can stay silent, not utter a word, not cut one promo. It won’t matter ’cause ya’ still have to step into that ring. You still gotta stand face to face, toe to toe with Murder Inc., the new Unity Champions in this mofucka! ”

JEROME ” Now Team Pussy, or as da rest o’ da world knows you. Drew Austin and John Rawlings. HaHA, whats happening white boys, cat got ya’ll tongues?! I havent heard a mo’fuckin peep out either of you! Shiiit, I guess me and Paul must not be laying it on heavy enough! So listen up Drew, and you too John. Shiiit, Especially You John! You bitch made complainer. Nobody gives a shit about your complaints. Hell nobody gives a shit about you! Go ahead and quit da federation nigga, aint nobody goin ta lose a minute o’ sleep over it! You are a nobody. Da fans aint got a mo’fuckin clue who John Rawlings is! And da sad part is, dat befo’ dis match, neither did I ! And I am da EoW white boy!! John, I hope you dont quit, na, I hope ya show up ta Jingle Hell. Allow Murder Inc ta show you ta da door! Let us escort you as you throw your fit backstage! Your a nobody nigga John, get wiff da program! Drew Austin is da big name on yo’ side o’ da ring. And trust me Johny, dat aint saying much! So fat man, dat brings me ta you! A 300 + pound white boy from Chicago! You are a disgusting piece of imagery my nigga. You is a disgusting excuse fo’ a wrestler. And ta be honest, I think it downgrades da company ta have you listed on da roster! Ya know what Drew, I’ll do ya a favor. After Paul and I retire dat nobody nigga John Rawlings, We will do tha same ta you! I am truly deeply saddened. You are destroying da reputation I have built fo’ mahself! Being in dis match wiff you Drew, when two bitch made white boys who I had already beaten like Nick Starks and Joey Jo Montouri battle it out fo’ gold dat is rightfully mine. Shiit, it makes me fuckin sick! You make me fuckin sick Drew! I will see to it dat your waist of space ass never gits confused again! I will make sure you truly understand, dat fucking wiff Murder Inc, is suicide! ”

[P [I [M [P ” Werd.. ”

JEROME ” You ain’t gonna say shit? ”

[P [I [M [P ” Uh.. Fuck Focus.. Fuck Joe for thinking he can flow. Fuck Jerry Watts for tryna’ be cool and get Jerome to appear in his promo. Fuck a bitch that talks to his dick. Fuck Damon Riggs and his bitching ways. Bring your brother Shane in, another Riggs to fuck up.. Fuck John Rawlings and Fuck Drew Austin. Murder Inc. in this mutha fucka! ”

Paul stands back in his Santa Claus suit, blunt dangling from his lips, shooting the bird with his right hand and with his left grabbing his dick. Jerome’s standing next to him holding the gun up, pointed at the camera, antlers on his head. He realizes he’s still wearing them as he snatches them off his head and tosses it in the fire. Paul starts to laugh as Jerome shoves him, telling him to fuck off.