happy

By: Brandon Moore

Date: 24th Sep 2021

 

alright, let’s get this outta the way. Shut the fuck up Dane, we already know all the bullshit you’re gonna say, and how you’re gonna say it. But guess what, I’m hitting you with some truth, and not my subjective assessment of my own personal skill.

 

no, you see dane, to be honest, I don’t know who I am anymore. or who I am supposed to be. I have entered head first into the deep end of my evolution without taking the proper steps to give myself a proper education of my now reality. the reality of fatherhood.

 

my feelings and motivations changed by the single first breath, the single first heart beat, and the very most innocent whimper and I have no fucking idea what I am going to do about it. but I do know that I am going to continue my job of being the best damn professional wrestler on this planet. no, it’s true. and damnit if I am going to let someone like YOU ever stand in the way of that.

 

and I am doing it for my son. so he can one day grow up and look at his daddy and be proud. regardless of if my past comes back to continuously haunt me, he will be able to look at me here and now, and see that his daddy was the best of the best. and he proved it whether it’s with his words or his actions inside that ring. and beyond that ring while we are at it.

 

while your life has been a nonstop local television broadcast of a soap opera, the rest of the world has passed you on by. through my fire and brimstone, my own personal hell, I had to go through that hell to find the best in me. Still think I can be better than this. i have forged a blazing new path through the inferno and into the radiating glow of warmth that emits from my beautiful son. his tiny hands tucking me along by the heart strings, and guiding me back home.

 

and I have found that home. where inside, the man I was always supposed to be was waiting. his arms open wide, and tears encasing my eyes. yes folks, even the very worst of men cry, and this is the moment you get to watch as my demons finally die. a gunshot echoes across the many realms that we may not ever be the granted to perceive. but I believe you are too deaf from lying within all of the make believe. and the constant struggle from the pull of the lies.

 

the lies you are forced to live with every single day. that you are something amazing, and important. something so spectacular that you outshine any and all that have been enveloped by your overbearing shadow. the weight of your failures and shortcomings will be what beat you beneath of my feet. my victory etched in the starlit sky, an enchantment that already makes me feel like I can fly. high and above, looking down at poor dane, the source of his own demise.

 

look into my eyes and tell me if you have heard a single lie.

 

the past won’t be your savior, as the days that have passed were let go of when my new found journey flung me into action. it was the death of everything I had ever known, and along with everybody else. I destroyed what none other would have been capable, slaying the beast constantly clawing, screaming.

 

JUST LET ME OUT!

 

and the only battle I am afraid of at Venom is with it inside. my fragile mind still fighting the battles my past bestowed upon it when I tried to make everything all aright. and dane, you better believe that everything is going to be alright. but before your very eyes, when you stand across from an unfamiliar familiarity, you will be afraid of the new found unknown staring you in the eyes.

 

you dare stare back with anything other than respect?

 

because no matter what, no matter how hard I try to fight it, it will come out to play with you dane. and in your thick, unrelenting and callous head,  you know that a danger you have yet to come against is now gunning straight for you. and you are used to an animal with nothing left to lose, but are now greeted by a man with everything to lose, and there is not one single damn thing I won’t do to insure that i never do. and bubba, I promise you this..

 

I NEVER WILL

 

and sahara, here is your big chance to put your money where your mouth is. you claim to be able hang with and let alone beat a man who is considered a legend. and its all because of a two year run over a decade ago that has never been repeated. and I know I have acted as if I were still the insanely phenomenal prodigy. but the truth is, I don’t know anymore. but I am just dying to once again show the world why just muttering my name makes the likes of schmucks like you shake in their skin skivvies.

 

because before where I thought I had nothing to prove, I have been force fed the realization that.. why yes, yes I fucking do. and just what in the gods name of fuck do you think you can do about it? so remember to stay in your lane and out of the yard of carnivores. we will all eat you alive. piece by piece, your entire formal hypocrisy of self will be discarded and cast by the way side. like in a ditch where you will never be missed.

 

I have begun to view every single opportunity that I am afforded to enter into that ring as my moment to capture the observer’s eye. To leave them breathless and an impression they will never dare forget. I am right back on that crummy ole road pathed by the good intentions that always turned into malice, and loathing. loathing of them,  for them. by them and combo that whichever way it makes sense. damn. somebody else do some work around here.

 

seriously, show me the magnificent talent and skill you both possess. I believe in you dane. I really do buddy. You could be a star. and my dear sweet little one sahara. I believe in you. the next top female professional wrestler is in your future. until Michelle slaps you around silly for constantly being a dummy. But imma give you a little bit of a taste as well so you will realize I am not trying to be funny. you will learn first hand knowledge of why I am paid with a higher dollar. It is time to grow little one, and it is my privilege to be your instructor. And destructer.

 

OH SHIT DANE!

 

I promise you when the day comes Dane, mono e mono, a true contest of fighters, the first dance inside the square pedestal of excellence, I will get my hands on you. All up on you. Buddy.. Pal.. Little One.. I love ya, but I gotta hurt ya. I’m gonna hurt ya. I’m gonna hurt ya real fuggin bad. A reminder that no matter how awesome and amazing you are inside the ring, I am still just barely out of your grasp. Don’t give up yet brother, you almost got this.

 

Blowing kisses.

 

See you both soon.

 

Tonight started like most nights that had come before, except now there was a soft presence that turned once dark and shrouded walls into a sanctuary of unfiltered peace. They say, and I can attest to this, that when you die your life flashes before your eyes. But this is not the only time this phenomenon occurs. My life up until the point of Ezra’s arrival had turned my eyes into time machines, and every moment that proceeded this fixed point in time had become a nightmare I was forced to relive.

 

Over, and over, and over again.

 

My memories had become the ills that haunted my soul, damning me to a life of regret. The regret spilled out all over the blank page that demanded my words. The tale of an unforgettable and surreal life that had been spent in the service of pure unadulterated darkness. Most men in my position would beg for the mercy of forgiveness, but I am not like most men. I am unlike any man past, present, or future. You are listening to a one of a kind inevitability, and I am an utter failure.

 

Dane lives his life in his own bubble, where in his bubble he is coddled by his peers to sooth his fragile ego. And it makes me sad to the very essence of my core. Lost into the static of my unwillingness to see this man as anything more than poor Dane. Poor, poor Dane.

 

I look up, my son in his crib, sound asleep. I got by his side, taming his tiny hand into my index finger.

 

this is my reason, the strength to fight back all of the darkness that had consumed me for most of my life. it is hard to turn your back on the only thing that has offered you a warm and snug hello. but running away, forever living within a prison construct of your own making, that is a worse fate. no, my feet find the solid ground to stand up and rip the world in half. destroy all of those whom oppose the changing tide. no more destruction and evil.

 

it is time we all see the light.

 

and all any of you have to do is take me by my hand, and I will show you the true meaning of these miniscule and petty lives you have been convinced to live. Over and over again. A time loop you are fully aware of, but too afraid to try and break free of. satisfaction has been the death of your desire, yes, you dane, and your binds will hold you in captivity like a pet in some despicable zoo.

 

I bend down and kiss Ezra on his inviting forehead. one day I hope he learns and understands the truth of his daddy. the war he had to fight and win to be the man he gets to grow up to watch and succeed. Michelle joins me from behind, her hand first on the small of my back, and caressing softly toward the side. She uses her one arm to help and guide her perfectly against my body, my right arm raised to perfection. We turned our bodies towards each other, and took in a much needed and deep snuggled hug. My everything held tightly in my arms, and I raise her just far enough to where her toes are just out of reach of the floor.

 

She giggles. The chipmunk cheeks as she giddy ups and turns to putty in the comfort of my embrace. Dane, pay attention, because this is what true love is. I set her down, and I swear to God y’all, through the window the moon was reflecting brilliantly with the sparkles of her immersing blues. Photograph this moment, because this is what my happily ever after look like. Everything I ever wanted. Everything I ever needed. Right there. In my arms. Beautiful son sound asleep and the two souls who’s love, who’s victory of conquered struggles, brought such a blessing of hope and salvation. The miracle that vanquished the darkness in a man thought his prison forever more.

 

Fuck No, says Ezra Moore.

 

Michelle is as lost in this moment as I am. And ever since our distant hearts were able to reach out and finally grab ahold of each others, we have been on fire. Professionally, personally, and you better believe sexually. Like, dudes, your boy is a little wore out. But Daddy isn’t afraid to say he is his baby girl’s little whore. Those breathtaking blues look up into my new found soft toned blues, and they are sung to each other n the opposite of the blues.

 

That.. that was too corny, right?

 

This is one of those moments where the entire world becomes yet another long since forgotten memory as the only objects of import are within arms reach. The image lacking in the motion picture lives of Dane Preston and Sahara. They will never experience this majestic and carnal oohhhh myyy goddddd feeling out of a raging lion standing tall exploding his all mighty growl. Because I will always be there. This time I just fortunately have a Buddy who wants to kick some ass too. Her name is Apathy. And she just called right this second.

 

we broke our authentic and vintage portrait of what a true wholesome family should look like so I could take the call. we discussed our strategy. how we gonna do this that and yeah you know the rest. and now I have Michelle alone and all to myself, it’s bed time. nighty nighty folks.

 

LATER ON

 

Momma and Uncle Vlad’s voices echoed off in the far reaches of my mind as the haze of the past consumed me.

 

Uncle Vlad: What’s got you so down my son? You are on top of the world, what could be dragging you down into tyour heart ?

 

Brandon: I dunno unc. I never had a father. How the fuck am I supposed to be one now.

 

Momma Moore: That’s my fault Brandon.

 

Uncle Vlad: No, no. I was still the man in his life, I should have done better to raise him.

 

Brandon: Raise me? Dude, I was struggling as a 13 year old boy, so you send me to America to live on the street? Where the fuck do you get off trying to say, “I should’ve done better.” Bitch, YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING! FUCKING ANYTHING!

 

Brandon’s anger grew beyond his control as he was on his feet, chair in his hand as he gets into his uncle’s face. He turns away and flings the chair into the wall. His hands on his face as the stress becomes his best dress.

 

Momma Moore: Son, what has got you so worked up? This isn’t like you. I know Vladimir and I both failed you, but we already put the past behind us. Look at us now? Here we are as a family.

 

Brandon: That’s just it. I’ve never had a real family and now suddenly I am just supposed to be the patriarch of one? I’m so damn lost right now.

 

Uncle Vlad stood up, and went to Brandon’s side with an arm slung over his shoulder.

 

Uncle Vlad: My boy.. look around you. All of this? You did that. You and your wife. You built a substantial life for yourselves here. And you’re both in the upper tier of your profession? Your son could only be so lucky.

 

Brandon: It ain’t about this material bullshit unc.

 

Brandon shrugs his uncle’s heavy arm from his shoulders. They weren’t heavy in a physical sense, but the baggage any such sign of affection carries would be enough to sink the unsinkable.

 

Brandon: I want my son to grow up and be a good man. But what kind of role model am I? The Deceiver? The Despised Icon? My son doesn’t deserve any of that, and I have done too much evil in this life.

 

Hands clap and I am brought back to reality. Michelle has her hand on my shoulder, an envelope in hand.

 

Michelle: You got another one baby.

 

I take the envelope, ripping it open and pulling out the piece of paper. Written largely in red are the words I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!

 

Brandon: Oh boy, another death threat from some mark. Toss it in the fireplace so their hatred can provide us further warmth.

 

And Michelle does just that.

 

Brandon: When will they see I have changed? When will they see that I am no longer the insufferable prick from before?

 

Michelle comes back to my side, consoling me.

 

Michelle: I don’t know why it means so much to you, Ezra will love you no matter what.

 

Brandon: It’s not just that. Its.. I have a voice in my head now and it tells me not to do these things. that they are wrong.

 

Michelle: I think thats called a conscious.

 

I break-down into tears here. Yeah yeah, fuck off. I’m crying, because I am frustrated and broken hearted. No matter what I do, people will never look past my past and the monster of my creation I paraded myself as. And it makes it so hard to continue to fight to be a better man for my son. I put my entire weeping body into Michelle’s lap, her hand softly running through my long locks of hair. 

 

this was something dane will never get to experience. this true sincerity, this true love. he has a meat head, unable to let himself be vulnerable to his loving wife can finally get inside. so they can learn to breath again, as Michelle and I have already. and we have not missed a step.