I (would) like (to hurt) you

By: Sarah Wolf

Date: 10th Sep 2021

 

The yellow line that guides visitors towards the NICU unit was bright and unfaded, as if it had been touched up recently. A pair of black combat boots crashed down on either side of it as Sarah Wolf made her way through the corridors, a bundle of flowers in one hand, and a few cigars in the other. She pushed past the people in the hallways, even nudging a few of the slow walkers out of the way with her elbow. It sounds rude, I’m sure, but you have to understand that this is her being respectful. At the mall she might actually altercate. Arriving at the room, she walked past the two guards stationed outside who had been hired by Brandon for privacy and security, and burst into the room. As huge of a smile on her face as she could produce. Brandon was sitting on the end of Michelle’s bed, rubbing her left foot with his right hand, and looked back in a flash of preemptive anger, which was quelled upon sight of who had actually entered. Michelle opened her eyes, and tilted her head, three seconds from being very upset at the two fired guards outside for letting someone in, until her eyes focused and she too, had such feelings deflated.

Sarah Wolf
Good morning, my loves, I come with gifts. These are for you.. (Sarah Handed the flowers to Brandon), And these are for us when you’re clear to get out of here. Cubans. Or I was told that, I really don’t know shit about cigars. These could be candy?

Miss Michelle
Well it’s the thought that counts.

Brandon Moore
These flowers are lovely. They smell like a funeral home.

Sarah Wolf
I know my people, B. So where is he? I need to hold him and imprint on him before it’s too late.

Miss Michelle
He’s with the nurse right now. He should be back soon. Hey, what do you think of this hospital?

Brandon Moore
Nice right?

Sarah Wolf
As far as hospitals go, I guess. Full of sick people, though. Which is by far the most negative thing one can say about it, while also being positive.

Miss Michelle
You know what they have at hospitals?

Sarah Wolf
Don’t say den-

Miss Michelle
They have dentists, ‘rah. Dentists that can fix that shit up for you in no time. That bear trap mouth is mucho grosso.

Sarah Wolf
First of all stop trying to make ‘rah a thing. It’s not a thing. Second, My teeth are just fine.

Miss Michelle
Yes, if you’re a piranha. Sarah, You don’t need them. I know why you have them, and I get it. But if this is truly who you are now, you don’t need them. And with the level of decay that happens to a broken tooth this could end up killing you.

Sarah Wolf
Don’t threaten me with a good time.

Miss Michelle
For fucks sake, I just had a person pulled out of me and I’d really appreciate it if you took me seriously. You don’t need a mouth full of shards to be you, you fuck. I can smell the decay from here.

Brandon Moore
Also it’s a very specific bite pattern that could easily be traced back to you.

Sarah Wolf
THAT is a solid argument, I will give you that.

Miss Michelle
Just think about it, Betch. You’re too pretty for stalagmites and stalactites for teeth.

Sarah Wolf
I’ll think about thinking about it.

Miss Michelle
By the way, what you said to lil miss crazy, you better not do me dirty like that, I’ll gut you like they just gutted me.

Sarah Wolf
If I do it won’t be on purpose?

Miss Michelle
Listen to me. I have a massive scar down the front of my body but I will leap up onto my sore feet and slap you upside the head. When you came to me…

Among the ever expanding list of things that Sarah Wolf does not appreciate is being reminded of something. Anything, really. Should she forget something, anything, really. It is on purpose. But Michelle was her friend, and one of the closest she’s ever had. It bears repeating that the family bbq’s were by far some of the most fun she ever had. Michelle, and Candice would sit on either side of them, and as the drinks went faster the fun increased. They joked about everything. The men, the business, the combination of both. Sarah had never had sisters, but for those nights, she had two. But when it came time for Dollface to inflict her pain onto the world, There was only one person she could trust with that secret. See, Candice wouldn’t allow her ex-husband to be destroyed. As much as she might be mad at him, which was clearly not enough, she’d still protect him for the kids. Even Ani, who had literally saved Sarah from the hell she was in, would let her secret out if only to quote-end-quote, ‘protect her.’ But Michelle. Michelle had no dog in this fight. Michelle only wanted to be there for Sarah. Having tasted the darkest of urges, Michelle understood. Michelle could empathize. It’s why she used her last bit of power in the old place, to give her an iron clad contract for the new one. Because she knew if Sarah was not given the chance to do this the right way, she’d do it despite. And that wasn’t an option Michelle wanted to see her explore. So she’d take the advice, and the reminders. Michelle had earned that years before Dollface was a thing.

Miss Michelle
Look at me, you mopey fuck. I know you hate reminders, but I’m on a lot of pain meds. So you deal with that. But I’m serious. I know what you’re doing. You think that your outside has to match the inside. That you feel like this fucking monster so you have to look like one. You don’t need to look or feel like a monster to do what you’re doing. You are right in your rage. Don’t be ugly for nothing.

Sarah smiled quietly, and looked at the time as nonchalantly as she could, fooling no one, and excused herself to let them rest. She kissed Michelle on the head, Brandon on the cheek, and walked out. Brandon and Michelle would sympathize with the girl they once knew as happy and confident, but also fear for her. The line she had chosen to walk was not for everyone. And as much as you take from it, it takes from you tenfold. Sarah had such little to give at this point, what could she possibly hope to gain from losing the rest over revenge. But that was a call she needed to make. And no amount of friendly advice was going to stop her, or even slow her down. Sarah got into the elevator and pressed the lobby button. Standing to the back of the elevator, she could hear someone calling her to hold it, but she made no effort to do so and the door closed without her ever seeing the person’s face. As the elevator went down, it jerked and came to a stop. The lights shut out and the sound of metal on metal slowly increased in volume until it was defeaning. And then it stopped. As the doors opened and light came in, Sarah was no longer in an elevator. She was back in that room. Chained to an old wooden chair. Her hands bleeding from the loss of her fingernails. One of her eyes bruised closed and the other bloody and red. Her mouth was a mess of purple and yellow bruising, and a few of her toes were broken. She screamed loudly from the core of her gut as the person entered and greeted her in their usual way. ‘Good morning…’ Sarah felt the hand touch her arm and she grabbed it and pulled the person closer to her. She snarled with her teeth exposed and was about to sink them into their flesh when she came to and found herself back in the elevator. A small nurse gripping her arm with fear consuming her eyes. Sarah released her and stormed out of the elevator, pushing past a crowd of onlookers that had gathered in the lobby. She collected herself at the parking garage while waiting for her car, and she thought about Sahara. She thought about how she’s been running her mouth at every opportunity about Sarah. Being friendly with Murphy, that was to be expected. But so too was Sarah’s response. The truth of it all, was that Sarah liked Sahara. She played the game well, and didn’t let the fact that she’s a woman control her behavior. She wanted something, she went for it. She didn’t sit back and worry about who might think this or that. But she should have. She absolutely should have.

Sahara was used to things being a certain way. Her history with EWA, and with guys like Nothing, and all of the others she once played with and upon. This was not there. Those days, those people, the competition was friendly. You could take a Fenrir’s Bite from whats her face, and still be nice afterwards. Here, your friends are the ones that put you into the ground and shovel the soil over you. And no one was more friendly than Sarah.

She flicked her cigarette as the valet pulled her Lotus Evija to the curb. Sarah held out an undetermined bill as a tip and waited for the valet to snatch it before she climbed inside. Within minutes she was sitting at a stop light, waiting for it to change, when she glanced behind her, and saw the lights of a cop car illuminate. Suddenly she was on the road just outside of Parts Unknown, two cop cars behind her, and one in the road ahead. It was here where they grabbed her, sedated her, and relocated her to the pit that despite having left it, it has yet to leave her. They would cuff her too tightly, and drag her rather than allow her to walk. When she was in the back of the car, she’d feel the needle go into her leg, and then things got blurry. Until they didn’t. The tapping on the window brought her back to the present, but she was biting her lip until blood began to draw, and the tow truck driver who was trying to get her to pull up so he could enter the driveway to the lot to the left of her when he flashed his lights. She looked at him with a rage that made the man step back, and grab the revolver from his waist. Sarah looks away, and speeds off, screaming at the top of her lungs as she passes an intersection, blowing a solid red, but avoiding two cars easily, but closely. Her mind slumps back to those days in that chair and it plays like those infomercials they play in waiting rooms in doctors offices. Even if you try to look away, or drown it out with something else, it always exists in your periphery. Always just out of sight waiting for you to look up. Her destination was a lot located under the Driscoll bridge in Jersey. It was surrounded on all sides by a tall chain link fence topped with crisp new razor wire.On it stood two buildings. One was a small brick building that was slowly being overgrown by ivy, and the other was a slightly larger, slightly newer cement block building which the ivy had been working toward but had not yet reached. A single container, rusted and silver, sat outside the building, dropped there recently by the looks of it. No dirt built up against it, and barely any dust, save what the cars kick up as they pass. Pulling in and closing the gate behind, Sarah heads inside the entrance in the little brick building, and looks over the space. It’s completely furnished with a few desks, chairs, and the usual office type furniture. It will take work, and remodeling of several features, but with Vincent Black knowing where her former base of operations was, it was time for a change. Pity she just put in all that work though. But as they say, effort is the most rewarding part of the journey. The lights flick on as Sarah throws a massive switch at the entrance to the concrete building. This space was much better. Formerly used by NJDOT for the repairs of their smaller vehicles and equipment, it’s been left to rot since they moved to a newer area. Sarah knew what that was like. Hell, most women did. Sarah called her contacts and made them aware of where she was. ‘County Road 656. Right by the Driscoll. Yes. 322 Smith Street.’ In a few hours time new equipment would be delivered, and in a few weeks she’d be up and running and back at it. Of course this place was far more public than the previous one. But only in the mornings. At night, no one would be anywhere near here, and that was when she preferred to operate anyway. Sitting in the office area, she looked out the window and watched as a car approached. The sun went down a few minutes ago and the headlights blinded Sarah. When her eyes were clear from the LED’s, she found herself on a gurney. Strapped down with her eyes clamped open. She screamed, or tried to, but the gag in her mouth held her mouth open, her tongue down, and caused a gag reflex to trigger if she didn’t breath through her nose. Positioned over her was a mirror, which was reflecting her feet and the man with the hammer standing over them. He played ‘this little piggy’ and substituted ‘eeney meeney miney mo’ with the swing of the hammer against her foot. She’d pass in and out of consciousness, finding him waiting for her to do so before continuing on. Snapping out of it, she found herself in tears, screaming as she paced about the room, bashing everything she could with her knees in an effort to release some of the rage while also distracting her with the pain. Suddenly she stopped in the middle of the floor, her arms crossed tightly over her chest, and she knelt down, eyes locked onto the floor before her.

Sarah Wolf
Hate is not my default. I do not begin from it, nor was I born from it. I simply utilize it to do what I do. I hate many, for many different reasons. I wish to destroy people not for what they do but what they represent. Take the woman, Sahara. Loud mouth, obnoxious, fuck. But do I hate her? No. Not at all. In fact, I respect her. She orchestrates this personality that most would see as a downfall and uses it to gain the attention he wants. I mean, fuck, I don’t agree with her choices at all. In fact they concern me more than anything else. I do agree that she should be able to do who and what she pleases. No matter the consequences for others. I live my life the same way. If you’ve an issue with who I am, or what I do, you can easily remove yourself from my life. Or, I can do that for you.

Take Vhodka for example. ‘Take my sister in law, please.’ She has the balls to call me out for one little tiny innocent joke, and yet…she’s the destroyer of worlds. She’s made a mockery out of a marriage, she’s destroyed the family of 3 children, and has the female cahones to judge me for making a comment in jest? I was mad, ok. We all know that. But I didn’t mean to make it so, serious. ‘Hey you have a dead baby lol’ doesn’t really make a lot of sense, I know. But she started it. She fucking started all of this. SHE MADE HIM NOT WANT TO BE THERE. If he wasn’t so quick to run because of how unhappy he was, with a woman who adored him and treated him like a fucking god, then the other one wouldn’t have had to step in.

Because yes, I made that connection. ‘I’m a broody fuck i want revenge for my sister.BULLSHIT. You wanted out. You wanted to run through the countryside and forget about your family like the piece of shit coward you are, and you wanted me as an excuse. And then the other fuck came around and was like ‘say less bro, let me be the martyr, cheee.’ Vhodka thinks Vincent is this knight in shining fucking armor. What if it was the other way? What if She were the woman left behind so he could dip his FUCKSTICK in some crazed PUSS in the name of love? Love. LOVE. Like he ever knew the meaning! Obsession. That’s what he knows, and that’s what she is. And in ten years time, when he runs off with the next fucking cunt that he’s been ‘madly in love with’ for years, don’t cry. Not to me. Expect me to say I told you so. Expect you to know I did.

Don’t worry though, your reputation will still be the same. Build a million bridges but wreck one home…Right? Sahara is going to get that, too. But you deserve it, doncha? Doncha!? Dane and Allie have had an open relationship for years, Like Le and that CUNT she married. Sahara didn’t do nuffin anyway! She just slept with Dane which, Impossible Missionary, should be it’s own punishment. I kid, Dane. I kid. I don’t dead kid, because Vhodka get big mad.

Vhodka wrecked a home that was solid. She made children who had the chance to be the healthiest people who ever came out of this fucked up family suddenly anything but. She made those kids cry. And she will forgive me for my practical joke, but I’ll never forgive her for that. All of the women in this business who matter, have gone through something terrible. But usually it ISN’T THEIR FUCKING FRIEND WHO DOES IT TO THEM!

I don’t hate Sahara. I don’t. I mean, I’m going to tear her the fuck apart until someone makes me stop, but not because of hate. But because of how much I can’t stand the idea of like, not doing that? You don’t expect water to not be wet or fire to not be hot? You can’t expect a brutal fuck like me to be soft and cuddly? Like I like her so much, but also, I want to see the sounds she makes when parts of her get ripped off other parts? I mean, It’s not personal. It’s business. And my business is open for business. And business is good. Sew Gud. BLOODY FUCKING CUNTS who think I’m the devil because..because why? Because I sent a fetus to a slightly larger fetus? Vincent wanted the girl dead, but I’m the bad guy. Vhodka dumped that kid on the carpet muncher, but I’m the bad guy. WHY? Because you don’t like what I’ve done? Sweetie, my boo thang, wait until you see what I do next.

Word is they had to move that vein in his arm….Let’s call that hide and seek. Or maybe, just maybe, I can give you a matching one. Maybe I can do to you what I didn’t do to him and finish this bit of trouble now and forever. At the winter garden theater.

Befriend my sad bastard ex, bury your face in the flesh of my brother, and tell yourself you were the victim of all of this. That you were the one who was hurt. My bestie, you’ve yet to find out what fucking hurt is. But you’re fucking going to. And when you watch what I do to Sahara, and see what I do to someone I like, you’ll hopefully realize that my hate and rage is the last thing you want. And the last fucking thing you’ll ever get. Sarah stood up, and sat back down on the desk. Using her sleeve she wiped away the drool on her chin which was black and viscous. She looked at it closely and it reflected her. Not as in a mirror, but as in this was what she’d become. A delivery device for this rage turned tangible. Did it come from her or did she come from it?

Sarah Wolf
I grew up wanting to be so many things. A vet. A dentist. A lawyer. A cop. I began them all and never followed through. I went to veterinary school but never took the NAVLE. Went to Law School but never took the bar. Went to the academy but flunked out. I started so many things and never finished them. Became so much but not enough. And then I found my…calling. Representing others in the thing I truly wanted to do myself. And I was good at it. The advice I gave to others stuck and did right by them. Because I knew what the fuck I was talking about. I’ve been around this business longer than most have been in this business. I never thought I’d ever be in it-in it. I didn’t think they’d let me. They. The ones who had done so much to protect me from the world, from myself. And then, who looked up to me and down on me simultaneously.
None of them would dare let me. And now, right now, none of them can stop me. Because I am never letting them “let me” do anything ever again. I’ll kill them all first. Protect me from myself. Start finding a way to protect yourself from me.

Sarah scooted back into the middle of the desk and no sooner than she pulled her knees to her chest, the phone rang and lit up the otherwise pitch black room.

Miss F
…Sarah?

Sarah Wolf
Yeah, what?

Miss F
It’s Miss F.

Sarah Wolf
I know, what?

Miss F
We don’t have a current address for you, and the head office has made a formal request of all talent. If you want, could I read it over the phone?

Sarah Wolf
Sure. That’s fine. Go.

Miss F
…it says…maybe I shouldn’t?

Sarah Wolf
GO.

Miss F
It says ‘forgive us.’

Sarah Wolf
..goodbye.

Miss F
WAIT! I have to ask, are you going to try to…you know… Sahara? I mean…

Sarah Wolf
..in the words of the best bad guy in any boxing movie ever…if she dies, she dies. Also I’m sure that’s not her real hair color, but if she dyes she dyes. Don’t worry, Miss. she ain’t the spot I’m intent on opening.

Sarah didn’t just hang up the phone, no that was entirely too undramatic. She grabbed it instead and chucked it against the wall, uncaring for what might happen to it. Thankfully the otterbox case on the phone would take the brunt and the phone would be fine, but also god dammit for saving what she desperately wanted destroyed. Sarah made a mental note to maybe switch up her goals, and destroy what Xavier desperately wanted to save. As she pulled the metal door to the garage space, it produced a metal on metal grinding, and in an instant she was back in that room, chained down, and tortured, as a man entered and greeted her for the day.

Good Morning “…Dollface.’