[J MONT] The Odd Couple Part 01/02
By: Joe Montuori
Date: 25th Aug 2021
[Toxic Tag, Saturday August 28th is the place for all the wrestling fans to be. You do not want to miss what is about to go down. 8 teams and every single one of them hate their partners. So I guess the question on everyone’s mind is….which team can get along the best for the longest time to get the win, and a chance at the Island Tag Team Champions or a large sum of Blood Money?.]
TOXIC: Poisonous, very harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive way.
[The theme of this tag match could not be any better. All 8 teams are full of Toxic ways. You have brother P Mont teaming with Dickie Watson, the Empire Champ. Brother P is the number 1 contender to the Empire Title, so you know deep down Dickie wants to make sure he is at his weakest when they do meet up. Will Dickie actually help P Mont, or let him do all the work and risk injury? Then you have Druscilla White and her Partner…. Wait, that guy took his ball and ran all the way home to MOMMY…..makes me wonder just how Toxic Miss White truly is. Then you move on to Apathy and Anicka Swan….You have one legend in Anicka being teamed with a C player. You know this isn’t going to work out. But what is even funnier is the team of Brandon Moore and Shawn Wartstein. I do not know who has the bigger EGO of the 2. Both think they are the greatest thing since sliced bread but in reality, they are more over hyped than the Los Angeles Lakers. And I know I said real Toxic before, but you can get no worse than VooDoo and Vhodka. I can’t see the two of them working well together based on past and present history. And another pair that is going to be worse than them is Sahara and Allison. Imagine one of them having to tag the other. I can see it now, Allison needs to make a tag and really gets hesitant about it but then reaches back and clocks Sahara in the face for the tag. This wont work well either. And the man that got the worst luck of the draw is Vincent Black. It’s like a game of basketball and 10 people are there, 2 captains leaving 8 people. One by one the names are called til it’s the last 2. Well that is what Dollface is for Vincent. The last one hanging around. But that is only 7 teams. There is one missing………and I believe the world truly believes this Toxic Tag Wars was named after the last team. And why not. It has been a brutal and hostile 3 months and counting.]
Joe Montuori AKA J Mont and Dickless Dane Preston
[Whoever thought in their bright ass minds to pair these two together, really needs to take a drug test and get their own counseling done. The history and hatred here alone should kill and bury this team.]
[What if their EGOS are too big to lose? You know J Mont can’t stand losing and Dane thinks the world of himself. What if somehow, someway, these 2 get on the same page for a few hours that night and take out the teams one by one? Can it happen? Maybe, and it seems like a long shot, but stranger things have happened. Sahara finally got Dane for one. It will truly be a shock to everyone if Dane and J Mont can co exist and be the last team standing tall.]
[When you think of the team of J Mont and Dane Preston…. One word comes to mind.]
[You can go all the way back to the 1600’s until today and the amount of wars that have happened is insane. You can lose count because there are just too many to remember. Not even Jeopardy wiz Ken Jennings could name every war that has happened. But if there is one to remember, it’s the current war between J Mont and Dane. It’s Toxic. It’s Personal. It’s heated. It’s violent. It’s a game of Chess. And so on. So, when you think of this war compared to others, where would it rank? Well, here is a history lesson for all you nerds out there that think they have the answer to this.]
Top 10 Deadliest Wars of All Time
10- The Chinese Civil War
9- The Russian Civil War
8- The Dungan Revolt
7- Napoleonic Wars
6- World War 1
5- Taiping Rebellion
4- The Thirty Years’ War
3- An Lushan Rebellion
2- World War II
1- J Mont and Dane Preston
[You all know that had to top the list and if you didn’t? Shame on you. Get your head out of your ass and pay attention to what’s going on. And with that, we pick things up at The Hearst Tower for FIGHT NYC. The Manhattan Championship Suite is the place. The sun is glaring through the window and you can see a bright shine reflecting off something. But if you are smart enough, you will realize that it’s J Mont’s Manhattan Championship. And then, you see a hand reach for the pole hanging from the side of the curtain and swing it over, closing the long blind. The sun is gone, the glare is gone but now you have the SHINE of J Mont. Standing there in his wife beater and boxer briefs. No wonder Allison took him 12 rounds. That body’s a work of art. Anyway, J Mont is stretching himself out after a long night of recovering from being thrown through a window or two, being arrested and having to deal with a therapy session with Dane Preston today.]
J Mont: Couples Therapy? Fuckin really? Am I dating Dane now? Fucking FIGHT NYC trying to make a power move by doing this. I’m the CHAMP CHAMP CHAMP here. I have 3 belts and they are going to treat me like this? I think it’s time I finally do what I’ve been saying and put the FINAL NAIL in the coffin of Dane Preston. But the problem is, I’m teamed with him for this Toxic Tag Match and I don’t like to lose. I know I can carry the team by myself to the promised land just like Tom Brady did numerous times for the Patriots. But do I truly wanna jeopardize things with Allie if I WIN? I know me and her are a little rocky right now and she claims she loves Dane and wants to work on things with him but come on. You don’t just FUCK A MAN 12 TIMES like she did and just walk away. She is confused right now and all i can do is be there for her and win this Toxic Tag so i can protect the tag titles and face off with Dane since that is going to be the plan. Win and get that 1 on 1 match finally.
[J Mont makes his way over to the kitchen counter where he has his cell phone on a wireless charging station. He grabs the phone and makes his way over to the bed. On the nightstand, you see a picture of himself and Allison holding the tag team titles high. You also see the ARP Belt that he had custom made for after he sealed the deal.]
J Mont: I can’t take this anymore. I really need to call Allie and get some answers. I’m going to kill Dane in therapy at the rate I’m going.
[Once again, she is his number 1 on his contacts under Allison Montuori. He clicks her name and then the call button. An image of her pops up wearing a small bikini with a beautiful smile.]
J Mont: WOW, this is a new low for her. 5 rings and not an answer. She has lost her mind if she thinks she can treat me like this.
[Funny thing is, after that 5th ring, she answered the phone but didn’t say anything. She heard what J Mont had to say the whole time.]
ARP: You just keep running that mouth, don’t ya?
J Mont: Damn it, I really need to pay better attention when that ring stops and there is a click. You just get me fired up sometimes and don’t even realize it.
ARP: So, what can I do for you today, Joe?
J Mont: I wanna know how you truly feel after that amazing night we had together!
ARP: Joe, I don’t really know what you want me to say. I mean, I know what you WANT me to say. But I can’t say it. But I will stick to my words when I say that you are going to make some woman out there very happy.
J Mont: So you are going to sit on the other side of this phone, probably in something sexy with your peach ass hanging out and tell me you weren’t satisfied or want more of J Mont?
ARP: I am wearing sweats and a tank top, packing a bag for a trip. If you think that’s sexy, then I am all sexy. She paused for a moment. As for that night, we had a great night. It’s how I expected even, you did a great job… but as for wanting more.. I just can’t. I am sorry, but I can’t give you that.
J Mont: So you’re telling me if I book a trip for 2 to The North Island in Seychelles where there are only 11 Villa’s on this private romantic island, you would tell J Mont and the Monty Python “NO”?
ARP: Really, Joe? I can’t even believe you would ask me that.
J Mont: I’m asking because I want to take you away from everything but me for a week and just have fun and laugh like we used too. You can’t deny the bond and chemistry we have for one another. This would be a dream trip for the both of us. We could even make a calendar out there as Island Tag Champs. We already have a top 5 seller in the ARP title belt and shirt.
ARP: We may have a bond and we may have chemistry. But I have a husband, I have children, I have a girlfriend and I am not going to give up my life with them. If I even still have one with them. I am not going on vacation with you, sorry. She pauses for a moment. I hope that when you do find that woman that’s yours, no one does to you all, what you’ve done to me. I got to
go, Joe, the car will be here soon. You know how VooDoo gets if you’re late and if you don’t, you’re lucky.
J Mont: Tell VooDoo I’m here pouring my heart out fighting for what I want, so she can wait a moment, and if she doesn’t like it, she will see me at Toxic tag and we can settle that in the ring. But for right now, I need to work on and fix US.
ARP: We’re fixed, Joe. We’ve got the belts, we’re solid. She laughs. You bet I’ll tell that to Aunt Voo, I am sure she’ll love to hear that. You and Dane better work together and make sure to take her and Vhodka Marie out first. Hell, that should be what everyone does… take those two out first.
J Mont: How do you expect me to work with Dane, let alone be in the same counseling room as him? Don’t you realize I hate this guy more than Joe Biden in office?
ARP: Not my problem there. She laughs. I can assure you, he hates you just as much, if not more.
J Mont: At least tell me this…. I’m the best Partner you ever had?
ARP: You’re the best Island Tag partner I’ve ever had. Probably won’t be my last, but you were the first.
J Mont: Think about it one more time before you answer. Am I the BEST partner you ever had, not just Island Champs, but since day 1?
ARP: Ani and I did pretty good in aW as the champs there, Dad and I did pretty good when we were in OpW… Sure, since we’ve been tag champs, you’ve been the best TAG partner I’ve ever had.
J Mont: You’re a pretty smart woman Allie. I was trying to catch you off guard with the question but you didn’t fall for it….Makes me want you even more now. [Joe chuckles and blows a kiss through the phone to Allie.] I miss you.
ARP: I caught on about 5 mins ago. She laughed. Daddy didn’t raise a dumb girl, well, he did, but he didn’t. Listen, I really got to go, if we don’t make this flight to this photoshoot, VooDoo’s going to kill me and then no one has to worry about who’s going to win the girl. The girl will be dead.
J Mont: Damon, as much as I hate him, did one thing right. He brought you into this world which in turn brought you to me. That’s a blessing. And I swear. You tell VooDoo that she is on my shit list now for making you RUSH off the phone with me. Does she not realize we have a lot of shit going on right now?
ARP: Pretty sure Voo doesn’t care about your shit list. Voo’s got her own shit show going and besides, this was something that was planned way before we even became partners. This is something my kids are involved in. So forgive me, if I think about my kids and put them first before you.
J Mont: I have always said it and you know I do. Our kids first, and US second.
ARP: I’ll see ya Saturday night.
J Mont: Ok, take care of the kids, and tell them I said Hello…. Also, when I see you, I will have flowers for you and a sexy dress so we can have dinner and talk about future plans.
ARP: Sounds great, Joe. See ya then.
[And with that, Allison hung up the phone on her end. And J Mont is left sitting on his bed staring at his phone.]
J Mont: Not even a kiss goodbye or a I love You…i get a SOUNDS GREAT… what the fuck….Im not Steve Urkel and shes not Laura Winslow. Im J Mont… she needs to show more respect to me. But I guess the next time we are alone and things get heated, over the knee she goes for a couple of spanks so she can understand things a little better.
[J Mont finally places his phone back on the nightstand, and for a moment, leans back on the bed. Head hitting the pillow and looks so comfortable he could knock right out but he’s not. He’s looking right into the ceiling which for all you freaks out there is a MIRROR.]
J Mont: What the fuck am i doing with my life? I mean I am the Champ, Champ, Champ of FIGHT NYC but that’s not enough for me. I truly need Allison to commit to me. That would complete me.
[J Mont closes his eyes for a moment and you can tell he is deep in his thoughts.]
[In his thoughts.] [J Mont is thinking about a scene from the movie Jerry Maguire because Allie is on his mind.] [You see an old living room from the 90’s as the scene and you see Allison on one side of the room talking with a few of her friends and family, when there is a knock at the door. One of the guests opens the front door and in walks J Mont like he owns the place. Not even a hello to the people, he makes his way into the living room.]
J Mont: [In a loud voice to make sure he got everyone’s attention.] Hello. I’m looking for my wife. Alright. If this is where it has to happen, then this is where it has to happen. I’m not letting you get rid of me. How about that? This used to be my specialty. I was good in the living room. Send me in there, I’ll do it alone. And now I just… I don’t know…but our little company had a good night tonight. A really big night. But it wasn’t complete, it wasn’t nearly close to being in the same vicinity as complete, because I couldn’t share it with you. I couldn’t hear your voice, or laugh about it with you. I missed my wife. We live in a cynical world, and we work in a business of tough competitors, I love you. You complete me. And I just…
[In that moment and thought, Allie puts her hand over J Mont’s mouth like she doesn’t want to hear anymore but then she drops her hand and kisses him non stop in the middle of the room and in front of everyone.]
[Just as things were getting heated and good, he heard his phone ring and it woke him from this magical thought of him and Allie. He looks over on his phone and doesn’t recognize the number but he has so much business going on he doesn’t want to miss a call.]
J Mont: Hello?
Voice: Hello, this is a courtesy call to remind you that your extended warranty on your car has expired.
J Mont:Fuck you and fuck your warranties. I own 20 vehicles, asshole.
[J Mont hangs up the phone in disgust.]
J Mont: That is why my thought ended cause of a fuckin car warranty phone call. I gotta get ready before IM LATE for my counseling session.
[J Mont walks over to the closet after that crazy phone call and looks around debating what to wear. Does he dress up and get flashy or does he go Low Key in case Dane tries to fight…..and after a few moments, we have a winner. J Mont grabs his Suede Air Jordan jogging pants that match the Jordan Shoes and you will not believe this. He pulls out the DICKLESS DANE tee shirt that has been a hot seller in the market. He lays the clothing on the bed and proceeds towards the bathroom. The door closes and you can hear the shower turned on.]
25 Minutes Later
[You can hear the water turn off and the glass shower door close. He is definitely running with Allie for the longest to get ready it seems. After another 10 minutes of brushing teeth and everything else, he opens the bathroom door. Walking out in just a towel, it’s what Allison loved and took to the bed…..J Mont slips on his boxer briefs followed by his socks. Then the Jordan pants are next followed by the Air Jordan shoes and finally, the Dickless Dane Tee Shirt. But that’s not all. He opens the nightstand draw and pulls out a 100,000 dollar Baguette Miami Cuban Necklace.This custom necklace is brighter than a thousand stars at night. And the final nail in the coffin, he throws over his shoulder the ARP title belt.]
J Mont: I can’t forget this for the counseling session today. This is the main ingredient if you ask me.
[J Mont is ready to roll now. And that is what he is going to do. Walking out the Manhattan Suite since he let Allie stay in the Islands suite. Walking to the elevator, before he hits the button, he debates about walking the steps because of the music but he takes his chances. He hits the down arrow and the door opens right away. And here we go. J Mont enters the elevator and hits the M button for the main floor. The door closes and you guessed it. New Kids on the Block, Hanging Tough is heard. J Mont closes his eyes hoping to block it out but it’s not working. But this time, the ride was quicker and the door opened before he opened his eyes. He is so happy to be out of that shit show. Walking past the front desk, he waves at the receptionshit who gives him the middle finger.]
J Mont: Really? I’ll make sure X knows about this you stupid little bitch.
[She flips him off again as he makes his way to the valet area. He sees his boy Jamal out there who already knows the drill. He walks towards the VIP area as J Mont awaits without even having to say a word.]
FUCK YOU DANE PRESTON, LOOK WHAT I GOT
[Jamal pulls up a 1995 McLaren F1. 6.1 Litre V12 and one of a kind in silver. Who has 15 million to spend like this? Oh yeah, J Mont does…..Jamal makes his way to the front and parks the car and opens the door as J Mont makes his way over.]
Jamal: Great shirt brother….. I need one but the money been tight.
J Mont: Say no more. Text me your size and how many and they will be there in a few days. I got you.
[Jamal shakes the hand of J Mont who smiles because in his hand was 500 bucks. Jamal just noticed it and is about to tear. This made his day and changed everything for him as he can handle his business. In the meantime, J Mont is in the McLaren and on his way to this great counseling session. Before Jamal could even notice, J Mont was long gone but you can hear the sound of the car from a far distance.]
NEXT STOP- IRINA FIRSTEIN- THE COUPLES COUNSELOR
30 Minutes Later
[J Mont pulls up to 370 Lexington Ave at 41st street. The office of Irina. No parking spots on site, J Mont decides to park in the spot that says Police parking. He doesn’t care. He has some of the police on his payroll anyway. With the car finally parked, he exits the vehicle, getting out of it like a superstar. The door is slammed closed and there he is. Arriving for his counseling session wearing his ARP Belt and Dickless Dane tee shirt. J Mont makes his way towards the double glass doors. They automatically open and J Mont enters the building. Everyone looking at this guy like who the fuck is he? Walking around with a title belt around his waist. He doesn’t even ask for help. He walks up to the wall, where in a gold frame are the names and room numbers of everyone that works here. He scrolls his finger down and sees the name IRINA.]
J Mont: Perfect… I know I’m a few minutes late but I’m J Mont.. there on MY TIME.
[J Mont is happy she is on the first floor of the building and starts to walk down the hallway looking for Suite 123…..the numbers start to go up. 111 113 115 117 118 119 121 and here we go. #123 Irina Firstein. J Mont takes a deep breath before he enters. He knows who is on the other side of that door. You have a couples counceler and Dane Fuckin Preston. A few more deep breaths and…………..]
[Suddenly the door bursts open and J Mont walks in, wearing his Fatal Attraction Championship title, A Dickless Dane Tee Shirt and a bouquet of flowers in hand.]
J Mont: Awright, now that the Star of this excuse for a tag team has arrived, we can begin.
[J Mont makes a beeline toward the doctor, handing the bouquet of flowers to her.]
Irina: They’re lovely, thank you. Dane and I were just going over some of his personal history —
J Mont: Eh, fuck this guy, doc. He’s a lost cause. I’m only here so I can show up to Toxic Tag and win it all by mys–”
[Dane saw fucking red. He doesn’t remember it happening, but apparently he jumped off the couch and speared J Mont over the good doctor’s desk, as files and books and a desk lamp or three followed in our wake. Dane landed on top of J Mont and just started pummeling his face in.]
Irina: SECURITY! SECURITY! GET IN HERE NOW!!
[Seconds later the four burly ass security guards had pulled Dane off of J Mont and escorted us back into the waiting area. The guards sat J Mont and Dane on opposite sides of the room. The doctor was on the phone moments later, screaming at the person on the other end, whom I can only assume was someone from FIGHT! J Mont and Dane locked eyes and just stared daggers through one another.]
[A few minutes later, Dr. Firstein comes back into the room, calm, cool and collected. I’d stake the 10,000 Blood Money reward on Xavier throwing more money at the good doctor. Sitting down in her chair, Dr. Firstein brushes her hair out of her face, and picks up her notepad.]
Irina: Security, please strap Mr. Preston and Mr. Montuori into their chairs so we can continue this session.
J Mont: Wait, what?
[The security guards advanced towards Dane and J Mont, and as usual, the salesman began to negotiate.]
J Mont: How much to strap in Dickless Dane and not strap me in?
[Shaking his head, the security guard strapped both J Mont and Dane in, while J Mont was glaring at the guard as he was being strapped in. Dr. Firstein looked very smug as she spoke.]
Irina: I’m sorry we had to do this gentleman, but if neither of you complete this session, neither of you compete in Toxic Tag, and my time will not be compensated. And this is for the good of New York City as a whole.
J Mont: I AM New York City, Doctor. I know you know this.”
Dane: Oh, fuck you, Meatbol. Everyone knows the Montuori’s are bottom feeders. Your family is filled with negligent slumlords and conmen! Your entire bloodline is a joke.”
[Dr. Firstein throws her notepad on the floor as she explodes from her seat.]
Irina: Will you two please STOP!? I have some questions for each of you, once we’re finished with the questions, you’ll both have the floor to address one another. But for now, please let me do my job!
[We both looked at each other and nodded, before looking back to the doctor and nodding to her as well.]
Irina: Now, Mr. Montuori, what made you decide that it was the right decision to get involved in the marriage of Mr Preston and Allison?
J Mont: That’s such an easy question, Doc. I’m a good guy and I know how to treat my lady. So before I got back involved in the wrestling world after a hiatus, I had a plan. I paid attention to everything that was going on in the wrestling world. I also got some great feedback from Brother P and others. I was just waiting for the right time to make a return and get what I wanted. And boy did I get what I wanted. I wanted to bring FOCUS back- SUCCESS. I wanted to win some GOLD- SUCCESS. I wanted to make Damon Riggs’ life a living hell- SUCCESS. And I wanted to make Allison Riggs my woman- SUCCESS.
[Joe smirks at me after that remark.]
Dane: Funny, I seem to recall Damon beating the brakes off you… And for the last GODDAMN TIME, she is NOT YOUR WOMAN!
J Mont: Calm down buddy, it’s ok. She was in good hands with me and she enjoyed the ride on the Monty. And once again ALLIE ABOARDDDDDD!
[Joe is cracking himself up, treating this session like a big joke. Dane could feel himself turning red, and if he could get out of these blasted straps, he would rip J Mont’s head from his shoulders and feed it to the fish.]
Dane: You really are a special kind of stupid. She Amazoned you, idiot. She dominated you and made you her bitch in the bedroom. I didn’t think she was capable of such an emasculating act. She basically fucked you with YOUR OWN DICK, you moron.
Irina: Language please, Mr. Preston. It seems clear that Mr. Montuori is just answering my question in a way to upset you. But let’s dig a little deeper here. How do you feel about how Mr. Montuori has treated Allison?”
J Mont: Like a FUCKIN QUEEN…..MY QUEEN….
[Dr. Firstein stares daggers straight into J Mont’s chest. His eyes were haunted, filled with fear.]
Irina: The same warning goes to you, Mr Montuori, watch your mouth. It was not your turn to speak. If you want me to tell FIGHT! that you shouldn’t compete this Saturday night, what would happen?”
J Mont: The ratings would drop, merchandise sales would be at its lowest, and Allison would be upset.
Dane: Allison wouldn’t shed a fucking tear for you. The ratings would fucking skyrocket, no one pays to see you. Only YOU pay to see YOU, fuckin narcissist. You need your partners and friends to carry you through every fucking match. You’re incapable of fighting by yourself. That’s why Brandon bailed on you. He says you are beneath him, weak, nothing more than a circus clown. I’ve said it several times, I’ll say it again; BRANDON MOORE WAS THE TRUE LEADER OF FOCUS. As far as how Joe has treated Allison, he flaunts his money and buys overtly expensive things that she simply doesn’t care for. He treats her like a piece of arm candy and a common whore. The only reason he did any of this was to get back at both my father in law and me.”
[Dr. Firstein appears ready to move on to the next question, as things are really starting to get heated.]
Irina: Mr. Montuori, how do you feel about Mr. Preston?
J Mont: I can’t believe you would really ask me that. There isn’t a positive thing to say about this man. He rather work on a muffler, then spend time with his EX wife. He cheated on her with a whore named Sahara. He’s behind me in Blood Money Points. I’m a tag champ with his EX wife, he’s nothing. As a matter of fact, the only good he has done in my life is the INCOME im making off these DICKLESS DANE shirts. By the way, SOLD OUT across the country and overseas. So thank you asshole.
Irina: Mr. Preston, how do you feel about Mr. Montuori?
Dane: He’s that spoiled rich kid that drove daddy’s Porsche to school every morning. He does nothing for anyone, and yet expects the world from others. He has no idea what a real relationship looks like, and has no idea how to be a father to another man’s children. He is the textbook definition of a narcissist, down to the letter. Anything he does, he only does because it benefits him. If my wife doesn’t wise up and come to her senses soon, she’s going to be cast out once she’s outlived her usefulness to him. He thinks he is better than everyone in the ring, despite losses to Damon, Vhodka, he would have lost to me, but brass knucks and a low blow couldn’t put me away. Sure, he talks a good game, but the cold, harsh reality is that he is an absolute fraud.
[Before Dane could tell what was happening, J Mont somehow broke free from his restraints and was making a beeline straight for Dane. With his hands strapped down, he couldn’t defend himself when…]
[J Mont slapped Dane in the face and started to dance around having some fun. But the fun stops as J Mont cocks back and fires…]
[Unable to fend for himself, J Mont delivers a straight right hand to his jaw. Dane feels his lip pop and then he taste blood. Dr. Firstein is frantically screaming for security to separate the two of us as she’s already on the phone with who I can only surmise are the police. Security guards rush in, but these boys were not built to run, they were winded just walking in. Four pairs of hands dig in and pull J Mont away to one side of the room and Dane to the other. Dane wipes the blood away from his busted lip, while J Mont runs his mouth more than ever while hiding behind a wall of humanity.]
Irina: Yes, Sergeant, it’s time. These two are out of control. I’d like to conduct the rest of this session from an interrogation room in your precinct. Perhaps they’ll be on their best behavior knowing New York’s finest could walk in at any time.
[Dr. Firstein hangs up the phone, she’s clearly pissed off at the two of us. There must have been officers on standby for this very moment, because the sirens sound close.]
THIRD TIME’S THE CHARM!
[Cops showed up, hauled our asses to the closest precinct. Now J Mont and Dane are sitting across from one another, handcuffed to the table. The looks we’re shooting each other means another war could be coming, but I think we’re smarter than that. There is enough fire power in this room to take out a small army. There are two officers at each end of the room and one to either side of both of us. at the end of the table. Dr. Firstein had an officer standing right behind her, clearly feeling pleased with herself and just as protected.]
Irina: Thank you officers for the prompt response and helping me finish this crazy session.
[The officers all tipped their hats to the good doctor. Smoothing her hair out, adjusting her glasses, Dr. Firstein assumes control of the session for what I can only hope will be the third and final time.]
Irina: Ok gentleman, now that we’re in a more secure venue for this session, I’d like to do an exercise. I’m going to lay out photos of all your opponents for this Saturday Night in the big Toxic Tag Wars Match. You both will take turns giving your thoughts about each one you see in the photo.
[We nod in agreement, though Dane much rather rip J Mont’s face off, and he can tell from J Mont’s demeanor that he likely feels the same. Without another word from the good doctor, she lays out the first photo.]
#1. PAUL MONTUORI
J Mont: The best brother anyone could ask for. Always has my back.
Dane: The superior Montuori, but he’s still a clown flexing his water weenie like it’s a python.
[That got a chuckle out of J Mont.]
#2. DICKIE WATSON
J Mont: An uncreative piece of shit. There is only one Dickie and that’s LIL DICKIE.
Dane: I’d like to disagree, but I already beat him. And he is biting off more than he can chew with both Dynasty AND FYA.
[Dane glanced at J Mont and put a fist out, J Mont shrugged and bumped my fist. If Dane wasn’t handcuffed to the table, He might have fallen out of his chair.]
#3. ALLISON RIGGS-PRESTON
J Mont: The best woman in the whole entire world.
Dane: Nah. She IS the entire world to me. We have a lot of work ahead of us, but we will endure.
[J Mont scoffs in response to my comments.]
J Mont: Whore, Slut, Bitch, Tramp, Cunt…. Do I need to continue?
Dane: Broken, but still good. Can’t stand pandas for some reason. A bad ass when she wants to be.
[Another scoff from J Mont, clearly not a fan of Sahara.]
#5. VINCENT BLACK
J Mont: We have come a long way. I can actually say today, we are friends and he’s a good dude.
Dane: At one point I looked up to him, aspired to be like him. I guess in a way I’m more like him than I thought. While I intend to heal the rift between my wife and me, I’d like to have a career even half as memorable as his.
[J Mont stuck his bottom lip out like Robert DeNiro and nodded his head in agreement.]
J Mont: Take my vision away. Who the hell would want to look at that everyday?
Dane: Creepy. Compelling. Cryptic. She threw a challenge my way not long ago. Let’s see if she’s brave enough to step up in the ring.
[Shaking his head and rolling his eyes, you can hear J Mont mumble, “yeah okay.]
#7. VHODKA BLACK
J Mont: One of my best friends now. We turned the corner, buried the past and built on the future.
Dane: Legendary. One of the baddest bitches I’ve ever known. While we’re not the closest of friends, and she keeps trying to steal my hetero life mate from me, I respect the hell out of her.
J Mont: Yeah, she definitely hates my guts. Oh well, she will have to learn it’s my way or the highway.
Dane: You’ve got a fucking deathwish. This is the Femme Fatale. The Devil’s Favorite Redhead. One of my mentors. Friends. And holy FUCK she wants to kick the shit out of the two of us as much as she wants to throttle Vhodka. I’m not looking forward to a confrontation with her and neither should you.
#9. DRUSCILLA WHITE
J Mont: Isn’t she from 101 Dalmations? She reminds me of that lady that smokes the long Cigar and drives a Cadillac.
Dane: No you jackass, that’s the redhead with the snack cakes running around with that crackhead buddy of yours LC, that’s Ophelia Pain. Do you not pay attention to who our fucking coworkers are?” Joe’s head starts to bobble from side to side, his mouth running in mockery. “Sweet gal, one of the few peers I have that are actually Team D’Allison. Thanks Dru.
#10. ASHER JULES
J Mont: Who?
[J Mont and Dane actually agreed on this one. They looked at each other and gave an approving nod and bump fists again.]
J Mont: Just what her name defines, lack of interest or concern.
Dane: A legend. We travel in the same circle, but only in the past couple of years have we actually been in the same promotions at the same time.
#12. ANICKA SWAN
J Mont: I think she has a secret crush on me and who wouldn’t!
Dane: Oh, the things I could tell you. Howling Wolf, flying over the Pacific Ocean, Allie and Ani in our room. Helluva fighter, as cunning as they get, and a LEGEND in her own right.
#13. SHAWN WARSTEIN
J Mont: Don’t know the guy, just see him run his mouth like he is King Pin. If he gets in my way, he will be like the KINGPIN movie, one arm is ok and the other arm will be a Hook after i break it off.”
Dane: His name carries a solid buzz around the business. Solid reputation. But he is with Dickie Watson, and the same warning goes out to him; don’t bite off more than you can chew. While Dynasty and FYA have their own blood feud going, we will be more than happy to put the boots to the four of you.
#14. BRANDON MOORE
J Mont: He has lost his mind. He is Delusional in all his thoughts. Tell me that I turned my back on him when he was the one that left. I never held him back. He stayed back. But I will show him Saturday night WHY I WAS THE LEADER and he was the PAWN.
Dane: My first brother in arms. Shit went south. There’s a chance we can find a way to bury the hatchet. But before that, we need to settle an old score. He wants to prove to the world that he’s better than me. I just want to prove to him that I am just as good as he is.
[Dr. Firstein flipped two photos at once, we looked at our own photos and realized that we are the last two. She just went through all the teams in the Toxic Tag tournament.]
J Mont: Where is Ashton Kutcher? Am I being punked? Or better yet, Call Maury backup. There is no way that me and Dane agreed on a lot of these wrestlers. FUCKKKKKK…”
Dane: I’m just as shocked as you are.
J Mont: Maybe Dane, just maybe you aren’t as bad of a guy as I thought.
Dane: Yeah, you’re not so bad yourself, I suppose…wait what?
[Right after Dane said those two words, we both took a deep breath and realized what we just said. I guess we kinda got caught up in the moment and well, you know what happened next.]
J Mont: Pause. Rewind… You’re a DICKLESS, Car Muffler sucking BITCH who better stay out of my way so I can win this Toxic Tag Match. You will just fuck things up just like your MARRIAGE.
Dane: Listen up you FUCKIN’ MEATBOL, the only thing I’m going to fuck up IS YOU when this tournament is over. Toxic Tag marks the beginning of the end for Joe Montuori. Mark my words, I’m going to run through you and I will win back my wife.
[And with the last words, the 2 men are held back and the officers first escort J Mont out of the room as they walk down the hallway. Dane is still in the room for safety precautions because these 2 men are on a war path of destruction and death. Seems like a pretty quick walk as the security guards finally get J Mont outside the building.]
Officer: [Using his walkie talkie.] J Mont is outside and is walking towards his car. I will give you the clear when he pulls off.
J Mont: I may just sit out here all fuckin day Toy Cop.
Officer: That’s fine, we will just have you towed for parking illegally.
J Mont: Do you know who I am?
Officer: Joe Montuori….Whoopty Doooooooo
J Mont: [Looking at the officer’s badge and name.] Officer Dingleberry, Bade number 658….enjoy your job, you will be fired by the end of the day ASSHOLE.
[The officer looks shook as J Mont makes his way to the old school McLaren that Dane Preston can only wish he had. Slings the door open, which goes up like a Lamborghini and he enters the vehicle. Within a few seconds, you hear the motor roaring. He jacks the car into reverse, rolls the window down and screams.]
J Mont: Fuck Counseling, Fuck Dane Preston, Fuck anyone from FIGHT responsible for this. Saturday night, J Mont is going to SHINE and be the LONE SURVIVOR.
[The McLaren is placed in drive and he peels out like Jeff Gordon on the racetrack. Within seconds J Mont is gone with the wind and the security guard is standing there with a look of concern on his face.]
Officer: [Using his walking talkie again.] He is gone, and I think I may be gone too.
[The officer drops the walkie talkie and starts to walk down the street. His career may be over thanks to J Mont, and funny thing is, he has something in common with Dane Preston. His career is about to be over too.]
Fade to Black BITCHES