[JMONT] I think i was KIND to everyone, or was I? [1999 words LOL]
By: Joe Montuori
Writing Prompt: Yes
Date: 14th Feb 2022
[Blood Money 2 has ended and Season 3 begins. For some, it’s a good start and for others, it’s a bad one. And for J Mont, it feels like he is slowly disappearing more and more in quicksand. With just a hand up in the air left to see, of course with the middle finger up and proud. J Mont knows this is the season where he can turn things around, and get out of the quicksand and stand back at the top where he belongs.]
[Which brings us to Venom 16. And J Mont should be excited that it’s a new season and he has a match. But is he? Rumor has it that he sent Miss F a box of shit covered strawberries with a balloon that says Fuck You on it. You might have guessed J Mont is not happy with the match that he was booked in or maybe he doesn’t like Miss F. Then a voice out of nowhere is heard.]
Steve Harvey: Both are tied for the Number 1 Answer.
[The voice of Steve Harvey fades.]
[And with that, things pick up at Lake Wawayanda, which is about an hour outside of Manhattan. You can see the white sand on the beach, but at this present time there are no lifeguards on duty because of the time of season. But do you think that stops people from going in the water? Definitely not and on that note, you can see the footsteps in the sand leading to the lifeguard tower.]
Voice: What do you call the space between Pamela Anderson Breasts. [A slight Pause.]
[You hear a small chuckle from a woman down below from the lifeguards stand.]
Voice: That’s right baby. Sahara and Pamela Anderson have at least one thing in common.
Woman’s Voice: You mean those fake, bad looking tits?
Voice: [In his wanna be Steve Harvey Voice.] And that is the Number 1 Answer!
[The man jumps down off the Lifeguard Tower and walks over to the woman. Ok, at this point, if you don’t realize by the voices and answers that it’s Mia and J Mont, then you’re a complete moron. They unite with a beautiful kiss on the beach, then hold hands and walk towards the water. Walking like the happy couple they are, taking in the great scenery. Approaching the water, they kick off their sandals. The sound of the small waves is very soothing and their feet finally touch the water.]
J Mont: I treasure all these special moments with you.
Mia: I know baby. [Mia smiles at him.] We are writing new stories and chapters every day.
J Mont: I know things haven’t been the best lately, and it’s my fault because I’m letting my career interfere with our personal life.
Mia: Your career is my career. Your life is my life. We’re in this together.
J Mont: I can promise you this. Season 3, I’m not holding back. Savage J Mont is coming.
Mia: Remember, you got the notice from Miss F about being nice to everyone in this speed dating match up.
J Mont: There is one word that describes Miss F and it starts with a B and ends in a H.
Mia: Just forget about her and WIN!
J Mont: A speed dating match with 9 other people is a recipe for disaster. She only has me in this match so the fans tune in, otherwise they will not pay attention. They will get up, take a shit, get snacks, make calls or return missed text messages. She needs me.
Mia: You are right, but just go in there and do what you do best.
[J Mont looks at Mia, and gives her another kiss. He lets go of her hand and starts to walk into the water which he is knee high in now. Looking out at the water, his thoughts start to ramble in his head. The voices are coming back.]
J Mont: Speed Dating? Is this what FIGHT has truly come to now? We might as well play musical chairs and see who the winner is. And for fucks sake, how are they even going to do this match? Am I going to walk to the ring and see a bunch of buzzers and chairs and tables set up? Do we sit down with everyone for a few minutes and then alternate to the next person? Or do we just beat the shit out of each other with tables, chairs and buzzers? I have no idea but either way it goes, I DONT NEED A FUCKIN DATE and I’m winning this match.
[Water splashes up and hits J Mont a little harder than the last few times. He turns back and sees Mia taking pics of him and the scenery around her. She looks happy.]
J Mont: The money is good, the house is good, the cars are good and most of all Mia is good. That just leaves FIGHT. It’s time to show them just why I AM still the man they need and the man to take this company to the promise land. Ratings? I bring them. Money? I make them money. Merchandise? My stuff always sells out. [J Mont pauses for a moment] ] Guess i need to remind FIGHT just WHO THE FUCK I AM and it starts with 9 people.
Mia: Baby, it’s your mother, I’m going to take this call.
J Mont: OK, tell her I love her too.
[Mia walks away to tend to the phone call, leaving J Mont to continue on his thoughts.]
J Mont: As I think about it, some of these people in the match really should try Match.com because that may be their only chance to get a real date. No wait, I got it. [J Mont is smiling and laughing at the same time which is usually not a good thing for most people.] If you have ever seen the movie HITCH, then you will understand. And if you haven’t seen the movie, then you just suck at life. In this match, I’m going to be Alex Hitchens AKA Hitch and the other 9 people are going to be Albert Brennamen. I’m going to mentor you all in hopes to win the heart of the person you want to be with. WOW! I’m such a good guy. Trying to help everyone out here. I should win the FIGHT Man of the Year Award for this, and if they don’t have one they should make one up for me.
[You can see Mia in the Distance walking towards J Mont. She must be done with the phone call with her mother.]
J Mont: Everything ok with mom?
Mia: All is great but what’s funny is that she’s worried about you.
J Mont: Why me?
Mia: She thinks you’ll be the first person eliminated from your speed dating match.
J Mont: Why the fuck would she say that?
Mia: Because [She smirks a little.] You have to say nice stuff about everyone.
J Mont: Well, I guess I’ll prove her wrong then.
Mia: You’re really gonna say something nice about everyone?
J Mont: Wanna bet?
Mia: If you can say something nice about everyone right now, I will let you do whatever you want to me tonight! But if you cant, no sex for a week! Deal?
J Mont: Jesus, a whole fuckin week? You’re not playing fair now.
Mia: So we got a deal?
J Mont: Deal!
[J Mont and Mia shake hands. Mia’s smiling because she thinks she won the bet already. J Mont grabs her hand and they start walking together again.]
J Mont: So let’s get this bet over with so i can plan my sexual attack on you tonight.
Mia: I don’t know how to take that comment.
J Mont: You’re gonna take it and you’re gonna like it.
[Both smile at one another.]
J Mont: So I guess I’ll start this because the sooner I get this over with, I don’t have to be nice anymore and claim my winnings. [J Mont smacks Mia’s Ass.] Oh yeah, I’m definitely winning this.
[J Mont starts to think in his head. Trying to switch gears to the NICE version, if he even has that version in his head.]
J Mont: So Johnny Frenz, the new guy is put into this match. He’s got some pretty kick ass tattoos and a hairstyle that would make the FONZ jealous. Ok great, 1 down 8 to go.
Mia: You’re not gonna get through all of them being nice.
J Mont: Oh yeah, we got Dru next. You know Dru is one of my best friends and has a heart of gold. She is a warrior and never gives up. She will be a champion again before we know it.
Mia: That was an easy one.
J Mont: Oh, I thought you were talking about Anicka for a minute. But I am now. A legend of the business and one of the most fearless women around. I’m happy for her and Bam. They make a badass couple and have been on a few bike rides with the both of them. Might as well knock out 2 birds with 1 stone here. Bam Miller, my CCPE associate, is in this match as well. Bam has been improving in every match he’s been in and before you know it, he will be a main eventer here in Fight. He has some room to grow but he wants to learn and is taking all the advice and working on everything. Watch out for Bam this year. And Ani, thank you for taking Bam under your wing. He’s a good dude.
Mia: You’re really going for the easy ones right now.
J Mont: I’m just going down the list babe. And with that, we got Toddy who is like family to me. Shout out to Austin, who was not placed in this match. Toddy really showed me in our match just how tough she is and I will tell you this. Not only is she tough, she is one of the nicest and most generous people you will ever meet in all of wrestling. Thank you for being such a good friend Toddy, and by the way, next time at the Rabbit, i got something for you.
Mia: Austin will kill you babe.
J Mont: He will be fine. No Austin#29 will be made.
Mia: Keep going.
J Mont: Eoin O’Rourke is the toughest Irishman I know. Apathy is by far one of the toughest women to ever grace FIGHT. Ashlynn Cassidy has a great ass.
Mia: What did you say?
J Mont: That’s the only kind thing I can think of about her. I’m Sorry babe.
Mia: Well, this is where you lose the bet. You have Sahara left.
J Mont: Fuck…..ummmm….something kind about Sahara……shit, think Joe think…….you cant lose this bet over Sahara.
Mia: Guess it’s a vibrator for me this week.
J Mont: Fuck no….your getting this DICK tonight baby…..damn it Joe.. think of 1 kind thing to say about Sahara. There has to be something. But is there?
Mia: I WIN!
J Mont: No! Wait, I got it. I figured it out. I am very happy Sahara finally found a good man in THAD and isn’t whoring around anymore with a million men. She found happiness and that’s pretty cool.
Mia: I can’t believe you figured it out. I guess I need to get ready for tonight.
J Mont: Oh yeah, baby, you’re getting the D tonight and everyone in this match will be getting their own D which stands for DEFEATED.
[J Mont grabs Mia’s hand and starts to speed walk almost leaving her behind. He knows what he wants. He wants Mia and a victory at Venom 16. Both will happen, so place your bets on J Mont. Go ALL IN, it will be worth it.]