Land Down Unda 6: Sellin your ass
By: Aiden Reynolds
Writing Prompt: Yes
Date: 15th Apr 2022
Going to the outback…..steakhouse
“I ain’t fuckin sure about this..” Aidens voice was alot lower than normal. Usually the brash Australian was loud, hyperactive and borderline obnoxious. In fact many would say Aidens secret talent was being able to say annoying, outlandish and horrible shit while still somehow being charming and likable. His large arms folded over his chest, his girlfriend and fellow professional wrestler and member of Wolfslair Kallie Reznik shook her head and pursed her lips together. She reached over and flicker his hair up, fixing a few errand strands.
Aiden tilted his head and sighed, dreading what she had done to his hair and what kind of metrosexual, bogan or eshay hairstyle Kallie had done. “It’ll be fine, seriously I don’t know why you’re so uptight about this. They offered you a large chunk of cash for a sixty second commercial…” She was right, this was incredible money for minimal work. And if Aiden would be honest wiith himself, it was actually a boost to his ego. A company wanting him as a spokesperson? He might be able to get a sponsorship deal out of this, like those NFL stars who sell their ass to everything from credit card companies to fast food and sandwich restaurants.
“Aiden…Reynolds?” His ears pricked up, the door was open and a woman with short red hair was standing in the doorway, a bluetooth earpiece in her ear and thick black rimmed glasses on her face making her large brown eyes even larger. He took a deep breath and popped up top his feet as Kallie smiled. He moved toward the door and turned back to0 see Kallie one more time. She smiled again, put two thumbs up and shook her fists in an excited manner.
Aiden frowned and shook his head turning back to the red haired woman, he put on his cheesiest toothy grin and gace a happy nod. “How’s it goin? I’m AIde-“
“Yeah whatever you’re next.”
She cut him off, her thick New York accent slapping him in the face harder than he had been in the ring as of late. He moves through the door stepping into a room with a large table at the end, two men sat on either end as the redhaired woman took her seat between them, they chatted for a moment and looked up at him, one of the men smirking and laughing, say9ing something very quietly so Aiden can’t hear.Aiden felt nervous, he hated feeling nervous. “So, uh what am I-“
“One moment.” She clicked her fingers and held her hand up to silence him. Aiden raised an eyebrow and shut his mouth mumbling under his breath. After some laughter between them the redhead looked up and clasped her hands together. “Well, to your right is a script, we need high energy and need you to read what is on the first page please..” Aiden swallowed and reached over grabbing it, he cleared his throat and tried to up his energy widening his stance.
“Fade in to indoor setting, standard Outback res-“ All three burst out with laughter, Aiden stopped and tilted his head as the redhead woman waved hier hand dismissively.
“No, the dialogue Adrian.”
Aidens face burned red, he was embarrassed but also angry and annoyed, he cleared his throat and in the same voice started. “Ya want a true flavor burst? Ya want real steaks cooked to charred perfection from the best quality meat in the wo-“
“Wait, wait wait!….I said energy Aiken…”
“I need real energy here.” She shook her head and sighed heavily, now she was getting annoyed and frustrated, clearly not giving a shit about who he wasd or what he could do. “Less Crocodile dundee and more crocodile hunter please…”
“Ya mean Steve Irwin?” There was a blank stare from all three of them, Aiden rolled his eyes, crouched lower and put his hands putin an overacting hyperactive way, he raised his eyebrows and began again, his mouth opening twice as wide to enunciate every single word even more. “Aww ya want a true flavor burst? Ya want real steaks cooked to charred perfection from the best quality meat in the world?” So far so good, he swallowed and continued. “Well, come on down to the outback, the outback steakhouse. Get authentic Aussie cuisine like out deep fried bloomin onion, and get some shrimp on the barbie…” Aiden paused, he shook his head and raised a hand. “Uh excuse me”
The redhead ground her teeth together and shook her head. “You were doing great..what is it? We don’t have time to fuck around Arnold…”
Aiden shook his head muttering under his breath again. “Look, I just…what is this? This ain’t Aussie food, I don’t even know what the fuck a “bloomin onion” is and why would you put prawns on a fuckin barbique? You’ll dry them out and-“
“Just read the dialogue, it’s a chain restaurant, no one gives a shit what you actually do “down unda”…we just need a good looking Australian with abs for this spot, and the Hemsworth brothers turned us down..even the one no one gives a shit about. So please, read the dialogue and just stand there and look pretty…”
Aiden clenched his fists, he felt his face growing even more red by the second, his heart rate rose and he closed his eyes trying to calm himself down. Mumbling wo words under his breath quietly enough to not be accurately heard but loud enough they knew he said something. “Ok cunt” He turned and removed his shirt, messing up his hair and turning around upping his excitement to ultra high levels with Steve Irwinisms. “Aww crikey! Ya want a true blue Aussie flavor burst? Ya want steaks ruined by some fat greasy american cunt who doesn’t know a good cut of steak from dog food? Made from meat that is such poor quality I’m certain the fuckin cows are as inbred as the average family from Alabama?”
There were shocked looks all around, the redhead stood up. “Excuse me?!?!!”
Aiden continued, his performance getting more hyper as he went. “Well, come on down to a bullshit fake chain resturant and get an overrated onion ring made to look like a flower or get some dry prawns they threw on a flat top grill that none of us in Australia would eat if ya paid us..” He threw down the script, turning as he picked up his shirt storming our of the room, Kallie jumped and looked up as Aiden stepped out. “Come on love, this is fuckin bullshit.” He grabbed Kallie shand, she stood up and followed him, almost tripping over someone in the process.
They moved outside and toward the car, Kallie giggled and shrugged. “What happened? You seem angry. Did things noit go well? And…why aren’t you wearing a shirt?”
Some time later…..
“Well look who’s back…” Aiden’s voice cuts through the darkness, he steps forward, now wearing ashirt, or part of a shirt as it has no sleeves, his hair back to it’s normal style and his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “I needed that time off, but I’m sorry from the bottom of me heart if any of you thought I abandoned yas or just left without thinking about the company or what it meant. Truth is I didn’t think I would be missed too much, see I was just a cog in the machine and FIGHT just kept on rollin…”
He paused and shrugged.
“However, I come back and look around to find that me friends have fallen apart, the entire company is on it’s head, they hired a comedian and the food has gotten better. Will wonders never cease? But man, I see poor Betsy is single and lost in the wilderness. Kasey seems to be washing her hands of the company and group, Shawno Warboi and Dickie are eyeing each other off and James Raven stuck his dick in stupid to produce more stupid…”
“Apparently he really is the GOAT at everythin, including making stupid decisions. I mean leavin Betsy for Atara would be like me leavin Kallie for the homeless woman with no teeth who has a pet Racoon down the street..”
“AIDEN!” The voice of Kallie comes from the side, AIden simply turns and smiles.
“Now, as much as some things have changed other things have stayed the same. Dickie is still the man here, Dane is still fuckin more gorgeous than any man has a right to be, Serotonin is still stressed out and Sahara still has a sand filled vagina that she tries to let caravans of nomads cross to manifest their destiny…” Aiden puts his hand up to stop Kallie from yelling his name again, but all that follows is laughter as she tries to hold it in. Aiden clearsd his throat and continues. “Now…”
“I came back to Fight cause I have unfinished business. I haven’t been sittin on my ass doin nothing. I’ve been wrestling, traveling, enjoyin meself. Spendin time with my girl. Ya know, livin life. But ity appears as if Fight has nesded me after all. See, one thing I always brought to the table was fun. And this doesn’t seem to be fun any more. I want to make Fight fun again.”
“MFFA!” Kallie squeals, Aiden shakes his head and sighs.
“No love…just.,..just no…”
She grumbles and Aiden sighs before turning back and continuing. “But, I also have my goals to accomplish, I want to get me hands on some Fight gold, I want to show everyone that I’m not just a dancing clown. See, Dickie said a few harsh truths to me as few months ago and I’ve been think9in and stewin on them. And he was right. See he was right about alot of things. And also wrong. See I can still be the fun AIden everyone seems to love, cause that is me, that ain’t changin, but I do need to take my career more seriously.”
“I need to stand up and actually try instead of thinking more about having fun and makin people smile. It’s now MY turn to smile. It’s MY turn to step up and show everyone what AIden fuckin Reynolds his capable of. And trust me on this, It;’s more than alot of ya think. I’m not some dancin bloody clown here just to make everyone have happy thoughts. I’m a six foot tall ball of muscle steel and sex appeal baby. I’m the Australian wolf, the Aussie hitman a bonafide stud in and out of the fuckin ring…”
“And in my return to fight I get to compete in somethin I haven’t done in years…a bareknuckle scrap…”
Aiden scoffs and shakes hi9s head before the smile fades, his eyes focus and his voice lowers as his accent seems to dull down.
“Bourbon Rose. A rose by any other name right?. A new name and face for the company and someone who wants to make a splash. Like we all do. See, in this business it’s hard to get a fresh start and a new slate at a company. In this virtual age with social media and research people know of your exploits in other places and your career at large but at the same time, starting somewhere new gives you the chance to wash that all away, to debut and scream from the heavens that you have changed. New year new you and all that jazz. So, welcome Bourbon..welcome to the travelling carnival of crazy that is FIGHT NYC..”
“And I’m sorry for what is about to happen. Cause while you are looking to make a fresh start and make a first impression I’m looking to do something else…”
“See, people have seen me, they know me.And what is harder than making a first impression, is changing peoples perception. And the perception with me is that I’m just the funny guy. “Oh Aiden the funny Aussie guy, har har hurr hurr. There is this perception and assumption about me that I’m just someone who says outlandish shit and throws out childish insults. Hell you heard it before with my low hanging fruit zingers about James Raven, his magical wandering penis and Sahara and her sandy cooch. I am capable of being that loudmouthed brash dickhead. I know I am..”
“But, do you know what else I am capable of Bourbon?” He leans forward and sneers curling his upper lip to the side before laughing under his breath.
He lets the word sink in before growling and shaking his head. “Pure violence. And for years I’ve enjoyed playing my role, and I will enjoy making people laugh and showing them that side of me again, but if I want to be successful in this company and indeed the business at large I need to be the total package. And trust me Miss Rose this isn’t about Violence for violence sake. This is about making a statement and winning. So while I’m sure you’re eager to make a great first impression..what I need to do is simple…”
“I’m going to make a lasting one…”