Peace: Part 1
The evening started off like any other. Clothes strewn about the room, I’m talking like way more clothes than you’re imagining right now.
“What about this one?” Kasey held up a sparkling black and white dress over the front of her body.
“I’m telling you, you’re putting too much thought into this. It’s just James and Betsy.” I sat up from the bed and hung my legs over the edge. “I honestly don’t know what you’re so worried about.”
“Worried? Me?” Kasey takes a moment because clearly she was slightly worried and didn’t like that I had called it out.
I pat the mattress and invite her to sit down. “Relax. It’s just dinner. It’s not like they are going to grill you on every little thing.”
“Easy for you to say…” As she sits down I drape an arm over her shoulder. “You’ve known James for basically forever.”
“Yeah, so?” I can feel the tension in her shoulders. I begin to gently massage them. She rolls them and allows her head to dip backwards, eyes closed and steadying her breathing.
Suddenly her eyes shoot open, but not in a scared or worried manner. It was more of a thought provoking glare. “What if they don’t…”
“Oh quiet, you’ve already met them. This isn’t any different.” I give her a slight playful shake. A smile wide across my face.
“I’m being serious.” In a huff she spins around and wraps her legs around my waist.
“Yeah, I am too.” My typical nonchalant look plastered over my face.
“This is totally different.” Kasey adjusts herself atop of me. “This is the first time we are going out, together, as us.” She uses her hands to emphasize her point.
I grab her hands and pull them together, holding them against my chest. “I know. Do I look worried?”
“Shawn, you never look worried.” She rolls her eyes and tilts her head. “It’s probably the bourbon or the weed.” A point of contention between the two of us, not the bourbon, but the marijuana usage.
“Hey now, you’ve got to give me some credit. I’ve cut back significantly because I know that you don’t care for it.”
“I didn’t ask you to.”She really didn’t but what kind of boyfriend, it’s still weird saying that, would I be if I didn’t take her considerations into mind. If she’s someone I want to spend my time with then I’m willing to do what needs to be done to make sure she’s as comfortable with me as I am with her.
“I know, but I wanted to.”
“You know what I want?” A devious look on her face as she shoves me backwards onto the bed. My arms sprawl to the side as she hovers over me.
“No, why don’t you tell me…” As if you couldn’t imagine the shit eating grin on my face.
“I want you to get dressed so we aren’t running behind when they get here.” A double pat on my cheek as she pulls herself up.
“Orrrr hear me out…” Before she could dismount I sat up and swung her around laying her on the bed. Her hair falling around her head like a crimson halo. The touch of her lips to mine…. It’s the thing people only dream about, yet here I was experiencing it. At this moment, I have everything. Nothing else matters. Not a match. Nothing. I am hers, and she is…
**DING DONG!!**
However not everything is perfect as it seems. It’s always something even if we both knew this was going to happen. “See…” I roll over next to her on the bed. Staring at the ceiling fan. Absolutely furious and my blood boiling. “This is what I’m talking about.”
“Well go answer the door, I’ve got to get dressed.” Kasey slaps me on the chest and marches over to the bathroom door.
“I could just, NOT, answer the door.” I said while resting my head on my hand, trying in vain to catch a glimpse. “It wouldn’t be the first time I stood up Raven and Betsy.”
“Shawn.” Kasey walks out of the bathroom. “That’s not the first impression I want them to have of us.”
“Well technically speaking….”
“Just get the door. I’ll be down there in a minute.” Kasey points towards the door. As I stood up I looked at the door and then back to her. I approached the bathroom doorway where she was standing and cop a quick feel. She smacks my hand away and points towards the exit. “Door.”
Like a scolded child I hang my head, but as I turn around I feel a playful slap on my rear end. “Go.”
Each step down the stairs echoed in the hallway, as the doorbell rings again. “Knock it off Raven. Jesus Christ I’m coming.”
My hand falls on the doorknob and slowly turns. As the door opens on the other side stands the happy couple. James Raven and Betsy Granger. Both of them dressed to the nines. They both take one look at me, hoodie and a pair of black jeans.
“Glad to see you dressed up for the occasion. I see you broke out your fancy hoodie.” James smiles and walks in patting me on the shoulder.
“Don’t be rude James.” Betsy gives me a half reassuring smile. “I’m sure brother mine was waiting for us to arrive before changing. Right?”
There’s something about Betsy that gets to me. She’s almost too much. I have never wanted anyone’s approval but it’s different with her. While she’s learned a lot from me about controlling her emotions in the ring, I’ve learned from her that maybe….emotions should be there.
“Hey dick head.” James shouts from the wet bar in the dining room. “Where’s all the bourbon?” He walks into the foyer waving an empty bottle. “If I go to Warstein’s house I expect Grade A quality stuff. Your cabinets are barren.”
“Yeah. I know. We’ve been in town for a day and Dru felt it necessary to rearrange things.”
“Did she find my present?” James asked with a devilish grin.
“What present?” A worried expression falls on my face.
“I left it on your nightstand…Well Noah did but that’s only because he had the key.” No sooner than James finished his statement Kasey came walking down the stairs.
A shimmering black strapless dress with an ornate belt cinched around her waist. Her stilettos clack on the hardwood floors with every step. My eyes must’ve been bulging out of my head. “Not bad brother mine.” Besty elbows me in the ribs.
“Don’t you look absolutely stunning dear.” Betsy grabs Kasey by the hand and spins her around. “Now only if we could get him to clean up for once.”
“Hey now, Raven said this was my fancy hoodie.” I point to James who shrugs.
“I lied.” James smiles widely. “There’s no such thing as a fancy hoodie.”
“But this is a Gucci..” I said pleading my case.
“Still a hoodie man.” He responds while grabbing the front kanga pocket.
“I grabbed something for him, all he said was. ‘It’s just Raven and Betsy, they won’t mind.’ I guess we all know who was right.” Kasey not only nails a spot on impression of me, but also wins the minor argument in one quick comment. “Just go get changed.”
“Ugh…. Fine.” I begin to ascend the stairs stopping midway up. “Don’t talk shit about me. I really like this one.” I disappeared upstairs leaving the three of them in the foyer.
“What does he mean, this one?” Kasey asked Betsy.
“If you know anything about Shawn….” Betsy tries to reassure Kasey but was cut off by Raven.
“He was slaying left and right in here. I’m talking about Atty..” Raven holds out hand and holds a finger up. “Sloane.” He raises another. “Adi. Alice. Eden.” And raises a finger with each name.
“I… I didn’t know…” The Kasey that was usually always smiles seemed positively downtrodden.
“Dammit James!” With the palm of her hand Betsy smacks Raven on the shoulder before she turns her attention to Kasey. “Don’t listen to him. That’s one of those nasty habits he picked up from Shawn.”
“Nasty habits?”
“You know how Shawn likes to stir the pot. Cause trouble where there is none?” Betsy holds a hand and presents Raven like a trophy. “My beloved has picked up that particular trait.”
“Those women? I mean I still see him talk to most of them.” Kasey scrunched her nose and had a look of hope.
“All friends dear. Adi, Eden, Alice, Sloane are just friends of his. Well maybe not Eden.” Betsy looks to Raven for confirmation but is met with a smooth as silk shrug. “And well we all know about Atty.”
“Yeah we do. Hell the whole world knows about them two.” Raven uses his hand to mimic a Rollercoaster, and then mimics a crash and explosion. “Pretty sure you never have to worry about her, like ever again.”
“Okay. So your an ass.” Kasey said while pointing to James, and he smiled while nodding. “And you’re the trustworthy one I should actually listen to?” Betsy nods.
“Kasey. Listen, I know Shawn. On the outside he’s very, how do I put this nicely….” As Betsy struggles to find the words James couldn’t help himself.
“Arrogant? Dickish? Rough around the Edges? Troubled? Come on Bets, one of those has to be close.”
“Thank you babe, but not what I was going for. He’s very secluded.” Betsy places an arm around Kasey. “Sure trouble seems to find him. And yes maybe he goes looking for it too, but the real Shawn. The one that you’re getting to know…”
“He is still a dick.” James pipes in.
“Yes. But also extremely loyal. Almost to a fault. The stories of him abandoning people are….”
“Actually, maybe, slightly, possibly exaggerated a bit.” With that they could sense Kasey relaxing a bit. “He does have a reputation to uphold in this industry.”
“However, wrong him and send him down the wrong path again….” An unassuming smile comes across Betsy’s face. “It’s not him you’ll have to worry about.”
“It’s definitely not my intention.”
“I know.”
I come briskly walking down the stairs with a picture frame in my hand. Once I reach the landing I toss it towards James as it slaps him in the chest. James holds it up for Betsy to see.
“Dammit James.” Betsy snatched the picture from him and tossed it haphazardly into her purse. “That was from my personal collection.”
“Ready to go?” I said while clapping my hands together. The three of them nod, as I grab Kasey’s coat and help her put it on. “So where to, Betsy?”
“I was thinking we would stay in New York.”
“Cool. What year?”
“This year.”
“You feeling okay Sister Mine? Normally you wouldn’t hesitate to show off our time machine.”
“Our? Since when is this communist Russia?” Betsy said with a slight snarl.
“Well you did….” I was cut off by an elbow from James.
“Doesn’t matter. I know a great steak house that Aiden told me about.”
“Great. Lead the way.”
With that we left the brownstone and headed out towards the street. James fired up his Uber app, and we waited outside. Kasey and I stealing glances at one another in an overtly flirtatious ways, while James and Betsy cuddle. Eventually the Uber pulls up and we are on our way.
The dinner went exactly how you thought it would’ve. Betsy and James didn’t grill Kasey as she was expecting. The four of us had a wonderful evening and everything went smoothly. We arrived back at the brownstone in the late evening. Wishing James and Betsy a fond farewell and they were gone.
Kasey quickly made her way inside the house, as I stood on the street staring at the skyline. When something, or better yet someone catches my eye. A man standing across the street. Dressed in all black and normally I wouldn’t pay him any attention but he was glaring right at me. His concentration is unbreaking. I take a step to the left, he mirrors my movements.
Paranoia: Part 2
After staring down a complete stranger for what seemed like an eternity, I shake my head and head up to the front door. Opening the door I see Kasey sitting in the foyer taking off her heels.
“What were you doing out there for so long?”
“Nothing. Thought I saw something or someone.” I said while shutting the door and peering through the peephole. The man was still standing there. His gaze was burning a hole right through me. I jump slightly as Kasey places a hand on my shoulder.
“Relax babe. It’s just me.” She pushes me to the side and looks through the peephole. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. There’s nothing out there.”
“What?” In a frantic state I brush her aside and look. She was taken aback and huffed slightly. “I swear there was a guy out there. I swear I saw him at the restaurant as well.”
Maybe I’m just going crazy. Maybe it’s the stress of my first match solo in Fight. I was set to Main Event Venom #2, against Graham Cracker…. Wait, that’s not right. Graham Clausen or whatever. If I’m really going to be honest with myself. I don’t have a single care about that guy. Why would I even concern myself with someone who couldn’t crack the top five of Blood Money. Sure I could say that he’s a hell of a competitor but I was always taught not to lie.
“Fuck.” I said softly. “Kasey something isn’t right.”
“What do you mean?” She caressed my cheek and pulled my face to meet hers. “Tell me what’s going on.”
“Fine. Just hear me out. And when I’m done, I won’t hold it against you.”
“Hold what against me?” She said with a slight tremble in her voice.
“I told you I was always going to tell you the truth. No matter what it was. You need to understand something about me, and maybe I wasn’t completely honest. It’s more of an omission.” I grabbed her hand and led her towards the living room. We sat down on the couch. We sat there quietly for a few moments.
“I want you to understand why I do some of the things I do.” I said while finally breaking the silence. “Or why I act the way that I do. Or how I treat certain people. What I’m about to say is a reflection on you, I promise that wholeheartedly.”
“O—okay.” She hesitated for a second and then took a deep breath. “Just get it over with then.”
“Get what over with?” I said confusedly.
“You’re breaking up with me, just rip the bandaid off…”
“What!?!? No… why would I do that?” I immediately fired back.
“I don’t know.”
“Listen. There’s a reason why I drink and smoke.”
“I know. We have stressful careers. I get it Shawn.” She said reassuringly. “You don’t need to stop.”
“It has nothing to do with the stress.” I tap my temple a few times with a finger. “In here. Inside my brain is a battle. A war going on for who I’m supposed to be. There’s the Shawn you see, and then there’s Him.”
“Fu….” I quickly place a hand over her mouth.
“Don’t say it. I thought those were the reasons he was at bay. Turns out…. It’s you.”
“Wha?”
“Yeah.” I said while nodding slowly. “With them I was able to control it, by self medicating…. With you I don’t need to.”
“But what about…. Just now?” She said while pointing towards the door.
“Last acts of a desperate man.”
“Shawn. It’s going to be okay.” She pulled me in close and we laid there on the couch for hours.
Insignificant Withdrawals: Part 3
Every so often my eyes would catch a glimpse of something moving behind us.At first it was off in the distance, but with each subsequent glimpse it was closer.
Closer still.
Closer again.
“Go away.” I said into the blackness that hovered behind us like a cloud. “You’re not needed anymore. You were never needed. I can do this without you.”
The room fell cold, as an icy chill engulfed my entire body. A voice called for me. “No you can’t.”
Seething as I grit my teeth. I took a deep breath. “I already have.”
The voice, raspy and soft. “You will fail. You always fail. Destined for an early grave with a needle in your arm. It’s why everyone abandons you for something better.” I can feel the voice getting closer, as it continues. “Your father. Your mother. Everyone eventually sees you for what you really are.”
I try in vain to open my eyes but it’s as if they are sewn shut. “Legacy will see it soon enough. Atty was smart enough to abandon ship, and soon so will Kasey. Shawn you are nothing without me. You will always be nothing so long as I’m not around.”
I was shaken and started by Kasey hovering over me. Grasping both my shoulders. “Shawn. Shawn?”
“Wha—” I couldn’t form words in the half asleep mind I was in.
“Are you okay?” A look of dread on her face. “You were talking in your sleep.”
“What? Oh it’s nothing…. It’s a sign of withdrawal.” I rub my eyes and sit up on the couch.
“Are you going to be okay?”
“Yeah. Just go upstairs and get some sleep. I have a feeling it’s going to be a long night.” I give her a kiss on the cheek, but she does something I didn’t expect. She curled up and laid down on the couch next to me. Wrapping an arm around me and pulling me in close.
“Well then it looks like we are both in for a long night. Grab the remote, there’s bound to be something we can binge…” We both lay there cuddled up under a warm blanket. Soon she was sleeping and I was left staring at the ceiling fan. Alone with my thoughts.
And that’s really the point in all of this. No matter how small or insignificant you think something is or isn’t. It can always make a lasting impact. For most people the act of cutting out a recreational drug wouldn’t be the end of the world. Hell most people drop it by the time they become adults.
For me it was always something else. It was an escape from my past. It was a barrier built to keep me safe.
Hell it was a barrier to keep everyone around me safe. Everyone knows what happens when I’m not me anymore. When he’s not around I have empathy. I care about people. I show them who I really am.
And who is that?
I’m someone who is willing to fight and die for what he believes in. To die for someone I believe in. I thought I had that before and it turned out to be a Grimm Fairy tale. All the shock and awe for the world, but little to no substance. The only thing learned from it was there’s no harm in trying again.
So something so little as for me to stop smoking weed, might seem insignificant to most. For me it’s a step forward. It’s a step out of the grand shadow that I cast upon myself. It is allowing me to pull the cloak back and finally have something to stand for. Something to give me purpose.
And that’s not a good thing for anyone other than myself and those I care about.
Last time I set him aside, gold followed…. In droves. Last time I didn’t have to worry about him I was able to take over and dominate over three different companies. One I left to pursue greater pastures. Another that I ran with Legacy until it’s final breath. And the last one forced me out because they didn’t and still have no one that can touch me. Now I’m here in Fight.
Graham I need you to listen very very closely.
This is going to be a fantastic repeat of Blood Money. You know they match where I took you out. The match where I shattered your dreams of climbing out of the shadows. I didn’t have anything to fight for then. It was a hope and a dream, but now? Now my goal is firmly set and you are just the first, of what I’m going to assume is many people to fall to my feet. This isn’t going to be a fun ride for you.
I didn’t expect you to think that it would be either. What else would I expect from someone who once ran with Madman. We have all heard the stories. We all witnessed firsthand the atrocities. It’s my goal, no, my mission to bury you deeper than him. So that way you can always be looking up at him and by contrast always be looking up at me.
The difference is, I’ll continue to ascend, and you be down there gasping for air until you eventually succumb. No one will remember you. No one will care to find you. You’ll become a faded memory from this planet. They will only talk about you as if you were a myth. A mere figment of their imagination.
You have only revenge to fight for.
I have so much more.
She’s here now.
And that’s not good for anyone that stands in my way.
I’m going to put you out of your misery like a cashed out blunt. I’m going to drive you into the mat until that final flame you have deep in your soul is extinguished. Until you are nothing more than a smoke cloud dancing in the air only to fade from sight.
I wish I could say that you’re going to be a great challenge. Or that I’m going to have to push myself to my limits. I was taught never to lie.
I won’t lie to you.
I’ll just keep quiet.
Fade To Black