PHRQ – Legacy

By: Vincent Black

Date: 28th Jun 2021

The Bedell-Pizzo funeral home is located on Staten Island, New York. It is also a piece of shit building that has been over decorated by people with vowels ending their surname. It is tacky and it is a blight on anyone with eyesight and it is now inhabited by a man who would rather be laid out there than to be visiting the one who is. And that man is Vincent Black. He enters the room with Vhodka Marie in tow, both dressed respectfully for a change. Vincent looks about and is not surpised at all by the lack of people in attendance. Being Irish, they either hated him enough to avoid it and get drunk rather than pay respects, or loved him enough to pay their respects and then go get drunk. Either way, the room was empty, and the eyes were dry, and all of this was what Vincent had expected. What he had not expected was seeing the wrong name on the door outside it.

Vincent steps in and looks at a small old man sitting in a chair, and whistles, getting his attention. The old man looks up, and looks confused by who he’s looking at. Vincent observes the look on the man’s face and shakes off his intent. Recognition comes a moment later and the old man struggles to get out of the chair and leave, but instead falls over and cries out, getting the attention of the rest of the room, which is only about 5 people. Two of them are women, and only one of them is somewhat pleased to see Vincent. She makes her way over, her mousey hair pulled up into a messy bun, and a black dress hanging off her skin and bones frame. She embraces Vincent, and surprisingly to Vhodka, he embraces her back.

Vincent Black
Martha, Fran. Fran, Martha.

Vhodka Marie
…Vhodka.

Martha Smith
Thanks, but I’m good.

Vincent Black
What’s with the name? Smith?

Martha Smith
After you got famous, he had us all change it. Didn’t wanna be associated with you.

Vincent Black
…you’re kidding me?

Martha Smith
Nah, he was pissed. Trading on his name, making him look foolish. He had balls.

Vincent Black
…how’re you?

Martha Smith
I’m sad. He was my father, Vin. You got the fairy tale adoption shit. I wasn’t so lucky. Could’ve used you.

Vincent Black
…How’s she?

Vhodka Marie
I’m sorry, your his sister?

Martha Smith
Yeah, He’s good with the introductions, isn’t he? And by she you mean ma? She’s dramatic. All the beatings he handed out got the absolution on his last breath. All a sudden that’s the love of her life. Meanwhile she can’t chew on the right side of her head from him bouncing it off the radiator that time.

Vincent Black
I remember. Was that old Mr. Jensen I just chased out of here?

Martha Smith
Yeah, old fuck still kicking. I thought dad would least out live him. So what’re ya doing now? Still fighting?

Vincent Black
I am. How about you?

Martha Smith
I got my job at the vet. Help with the animals. Don’t pay nothing.

Vincent Black
..Marty. He’s gone. He can’t stop you from tak-

Martha Smith
He’d take my soul right out my body, Vin. He ain’t even in the ground and you wanna have me break his dying wish? No, I ain’t taking a dime. You know he don’t want that.

Vincent Black
Yeah. I know. Let me go try with her. If you change your mind..

Martha Smith
Only thing around her that ever changed was you, Vin. The fuck.

Vincent pulls Vhodka away from his sister, and weaves between the empty chairs in the middle of the room to reach the old and miserable woman standing by the coffin that contains the body of her old miserable husband. Looking up from her feet she glances across the room and sees Vincent walking toward her. Her already miserable face contrasts into a more potent version of itself and her upper lip all but disappears into a snarl. Vincent stops, and kisses Vhodka’s hand, excusing himself for a moment.

Stepping up to the coffin, Vincent looks down at the greatest terror that the world, his world, ever knew. The man that encouraged him to beat up neighboring kids, because he thought it was funny to see a child hit another. The man who once made him drink an entire can of beer because he had knocked into one, and then beat him for throwing it up. The man who when his best friend was hit by a stray bullet, told him he had died, because he didn’t want any kid of his friends with some cripple. Looking at him now, it felt right that this was the last time he’d ever see him. He had always looked down on him, Why should this be any different?

His thoughts turned to brutal imagery that someone like this inspires in people like Vincent and as he stood there, understanding that cardiac arrest was far too good for something this fucking evil, he felt the eyes of the peice of shits piece of shit widow gazing into him. He turned his face toward hers, and for a brief moment you can see exactly where that gaze originates from.

Brigette Smith
How nice of you to come. Couldn’t bring my grand kids, tho.

Vincent Black
No, because you don’t have any. You’d have to have been a mother at some point to have grandkids. At the very least give a shit about the child who had them.

Brigette Smith
you are some piece of fucking work, after all I did for you..

Vincent Black
To me..

Brigette Smith
I put clothes on your back. Food in your belly. I kept you alive.

Vincent Black
What world are you from where not starving naked children to death is an accolade?

Brigette Smith
What world are you from where you get to come here and pay respects to a man who you never respected a day during his life? He did so much to try and help you, to reach you. And this is how you behave. You left us in the lurch. You come around sometimes to scare him, and be a bully, but what do you do to say thank you??

Vincent Black
I tried to give you money. To get away from him. This. But you wanted to stay. I tried to help Marty, tried to give her a chance. But he made sure she wouldn’t take it. All this man ever did was try and destroy me. I wasn’t his kid, I was a fucking prisoner of his war. I came around to remind him of what he put into the world. What his insanity wrought. And I did not come here to pay respects. I came here to make sure he was fucking dead.

Brigette Smith
Fuck you, Vincent. We had to change our names because of you!! And now I gotta live without my husband, the love of my life, and you…you come here like this. Come here and poke at the hole in my life. How dare you.

Vincent Black
Don’t worry, in a few months you’ll be ready to love again with some other drunk who wants to bounce your face off of shit.

Brigette Smith
Get out! And you better come get this fucking dog before I stab it!

Vincent Black
I didn’t send the dog, but i’ll let the asshole who did know.

Turning to walk away, Vincent grabs Vhodka’s hand and the two walk out slowly. Vhodka looks up at the man she loves and suddenly has a better understanding of who he is, and why his kids are so important. She rests her head on his shoulder, and whispers to him as they walk.

Vhodka Marie
I wanna punch her.

Vincent Black
Not a good idea.

Vhodka Marie
What about the corpse?

Vincent Black
Hurt you more than him.

Vhodka Marie
k….but we’re going to get that dog.

Vincent Black
Yes, obviously.

Vincent and Vhodka walk out of the room and run into old man Jensen who is still cowering by the front desk, obviously confused if he thinks some slightly less older man is going to stop him from breaking his probably already repaired hip.

Hours later and one dog richer, Vincent, Vhodka, and the newly named black lab ‘Tina Turner’ finally land at Parts Fully Known, and get ready for a meeting that will probably bore them senseless. Walking into the meeting room, All eyes look to them and all conversations stop. Kal stands up, and looks increduously at Vin, who returns the look in a sarcastic manner while grabbing two cups of espresso from a nearby table. The entire room is quiet save for laughter from Xavier, and stifled amusement from Murphy, who watch as every noise the machine makes further upsets the rest of the room. Finally done, Vincent sits down and slides the cup in front of Vhodka, who looks at him like he’s lost his fucking mind.

Kal Wolf
Ok. Vin. I know I told you it was core family only.

Vincent Black
I don’t give a shit. She’s here and she’s staying. Do your thing.

Sarah Wolf
Can you at least pretend to be respectful?

Jack Wolf
Guys. Let’s calm down. This isn’t the place.

Kal Wolf
Fuck it ain’t. This is exactly the fucking place.

As Jack and Kal begin to argue back and forth, Xavier, Vincent, and Vhodka break off and begin to have their own conversation. Sarah and Murphy try to interrupt Jack and Kal but nothing comes of it. The volume increases and the swear words get more severe and Sarah gets increasingly more agitated by the behavior of her brothers. Vincent drinks his espresso and then grabs Vhodka’s and drinks that, too. Vhodka is fine about it but then gets really excited when X slides her a capri sun from out of nowhere. She blows him a kiss before draining the pouch directly into her mouth without the use of the straw. Vin smiles to see it and you know damn well why.

Just as the argument really starts to heat up, a door opens and a small, frail, old man enters. He is dressed in black with a white collar in his shirt, and a bible in his hand, giving everyone in the room the impression that he’s a priest. Because he is. The ramifications of this man’s appearance are not immediate. But as Sarah recognizes him, so does Vincent. And by the time Kal notices the man’s influence over the rest of the group, the man is already crying as he looks at Sarah.

Sarah Wolf
…you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

As Sarah joins the fray between Kal, Jack, and the Father, Murphy does his best to calm her down, but is outnumbered by things that are angering her. Meanwhile, Vee, Vhee, and X are watching, unamused by all of it.

Vhodka Marie
Who’s the old guy?

Xavier Wolf
Thats our father.

Vincent Black
Thats our father.

Vhodka Marie
You guys have your own priest? Rich people.

Xavier Wolf
No, like the father that the sperm came from to make us.

Vhodka Marie
Wait. Who did we just go to the funeral of?

Xavier Wolf
Funeral?

Vincent Black
Adopted father died. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t need you there. But I know you would’ve been.

Xavier Wolf
I would’ve. I’m glad he’s dead.

Vhodka Marie
What does a priest do, exactly? Exorcisms? I think Noelle could use 4.

Xavier Wolf
That, and weddings. Although that part is easy and practically anyone can do it. I’ve officiated 4 myself. All for Aldo. And all with the same woman.

Vincent Black
…You can marry people? Legally?

Vhodka Marie
Like. Say if we wanted to get married right now..

Xavier Wolf
Yeah, I’d really just need a witness. Everything else can be worked around.

Vincent Black Vhodka Marie
MURPHY!! IRISH GUY!!

Xavier Wolf
…are we seriously doing this?

Vincent Black
Yes.

Vhodka Marie
No, we don’t do anything seriously. That’s my vows. Nothing ‘seriously.’ But we’re really doing it, yes.

Xavier Wolf
Alright.

MDM
This shite is bonkers. I ain’t seent a fight like this since the last time we had a fight like this.

Xavier Wolf
Vin, do you take Vhodka to be your lawfully wedded wife?

Vincent Black
Yes.

Xavier Wolf
Vhodka, do you want to spend the rest of your days looking at this guy?

Vhodka Marie
Thank you, yes.

Xavier Wolf
By the power vested, yadda yadda, you’re married.

Vincent and Vhodka kiss and Murphy looks at Sarah, who is already looking over. Murphy does a very complicated hand signal that in his mind would convey that they just got married. But in reality it looked more like he was telling her to take off her gloves and throw them. She keeps looking and finally he just mouths the words ‘married’ to her. She walks over in shock and pushes past Vin and X to get right to Vhodka.

Sarah Wolf
Are you sure about this? There are way better choices. I’m pretty sure Brandon Moore is available.

Vhodka Black
I’m sure, Bats.

Sarah Wolf
I really feel like you should’ve consulted me before. But, if you’re happy, and as long as you know I have a very good lawyer who can get you out of it, then congrats.Sarah smiles for a second before looking at Vin with such contempt that her rage almost becomes physical. Don’t fuck this up.

Kal Wolf
ENOUGH! I didn’t call this fucking meeting to argue with any of you. As the alpha of this family, I’ve had fucking up to here with the disrespect. And it stops right fucking now. I can take being fired by a guy I brought into this fucking business. I can take being left out in the fucking cold, but I will not let you two fucking assholes sully our name!!

Father Paul Wolf
..well, wasn’t really our name. Not really.

Every face in the room looks as if they’d just been talked to through only nouns and were left trying to decipher what it was they heard. Each one had their own take on it and while they could jump to conclusions they all waitied for the explanation. Well, All but one..

Vhodka Black
OMG I KNEW IT. YOU GUYS AREN’T WOLVES ITS A CODE NAME FOR THE LEVEL OF ASSASSIN YOU ARE. THATS WHY YOU HAVE SO MANY LITTLE ONES, TO TRAIN THE NEXT CLASS. YOU GUYS ARE ALIENS AREN’T YOU? WHAT PLANET? ITS NOT THE SUN BECAUSE SEVERAL OF YOU ARE VERY PALE, BUT ITS GOTTA BE PLUTO. ITS A PLANTOID I KNOW BUT STILL.

Vincent kisses his newly wed wife on the head, and she congratulates herself on solving the mystery. Vincent then turns to stone as he approaches the old priest that donated his white materials to bring him to life.

Vincent Black
Explain.

Father Paul Wolf
Well, Our last name wasn’t always wolf. We changed it to that because Calvin and Jackie kept getting beat up. Our real last name was Fagan.

The room becomes quiet. Jack sits back down, and hangs his head in his hand. Murphy looks at Sarah, who is too busy burning a hole through Kal. Xavier grips his hand against his mouth trying to hold in the absolute gut busting laugh that is about to burst at any second. Vhodka turns to X and asks if he has any more Capri Sun. You read this wondering why this is such a big deal. So for those of you who are unaware, let me explain. Kalvin Wolf has done more in service to his last name than most would do for their kids. His entire existence is practically hinged on his last name. His kids are called pups. His family is called the pack. He refers to himself in a very serious manner as ‘the alpha.’ For years they all have used it to differentiate themselves from others. Wolf this, Wolf that. Now it’s not the Wolf Pack. It’s the Fa…I can’t even type it. It is the core of his identity and in many ways is his only identity. And only of it has been a shame. Plus, I don’t know if you caught it but his name isn’t even spelt with a K. It’s with a C. I also want to point out that his last name is not Xavior either. He liked his grandfathers name better so he took it. Even spelt it wrong. I tried to find a way to work in his real middle name but it felt forced. It’s Henry.

Father Paul Wolf
Calvin Henry would come home and..Felt forced didn’t it? I told you. Anyway Paul starts getting choked up, and wipes his face with a very nice handkerchief.He’d be all bloody. We had to do something. We changed our name, but that wasn’t enough. So we moved to brooklyn. I got a job working for Marke, and…

And that is when the room dropped. All of the hell they went through. Paul losing his job, getting blacklisted by Marke, having to work for the mob, getting into drugs, losing his wife, the boys getting split up, the kids never being reunited, Vin’s hell of a childhood, X’s lonely existence, Sarah’s kidnapping, Sam Chatman buying a dog for an abusive old man, the jello mold you saw on twitter made out of cat food, All of this was because two little boys couldn’t take having their last names made fun of.

Sarah ‘Wolf’
You knew?Sarah said, looking directly at Jack, who acknowledged that he indeed did with a whimper.

Vincent Black
We always talk about how great this family is. How strong we are as a unit. But look at our secrets. Look at what we truly are. A lawyer turned doctor who is really a fucking therapist and thinks we don’t know. Le knew what to do with a cut more than you did, ‘Doc.’ A Father who is a father and not at all dead as we’d been told. Two brothers who only fought each other so they could fight for someone they loved more than themselves, as shitty as it makes us, right Bats? And of course, An ‘Alpha’ who has been overcompensating for his childhood weakness so hard that he dragged us all into it, and incidentally, started the entire ball of hell rolling. All of it was because you were a fucking pussy. You have the audacity to point at us and call us outcasts? Because we’re honest with each other? Because we don’t feel the need to lie, or hide who we are? I’ve never been happier to be an outcast in my fucking life. And for any of you looking for a new last name…’Black’ has a few openings.

Sarah ‘Wolf’
Sarah looked at her brother, her eldest. Her hero. And in each of her eyes anger and sadness developed quickly and intensely. You did this. All of it. It’s all on you. And you never told me. You lied to me, you hid all of this, him, everything….for a name that means nothing?I am so tired of this family. All of you. But you, whatever your name is…you’re the literal worst person I have ever met.

Vhodka Black
…I’ve been saying that for years.

Sarah ‘Wolf’
Come on, Murph. I don’t want to be here right now.

Murphy grabs her hand, and the two of them leave. Sarah whispers ‘not you, luv ya’ to Vhodka, who says the same in a quiet voice. Xavier stands up, and shakes his head, walking out a different door, his cellphone to his ear. Vincent watches as Jack stands up and walks off, his head in his hand still and shame so heavy his spine curves as he walks. Vhodka stands in the back of the room, Looking over the priest and Kal and Vin. In her eyes is concern but in her head she’s wondering if this is gonna be a barn burner of a two on two. What would the priests finisher be called? The Cross Fit? INRI? Crown Of Thorns? 3 Days Later? IS RISEN?

Calvin Henry Fagan
I hope you’re fucking happy. You’ve ruined this entire fucking family.

Vincent Black
I ruin-..I’m set to be in a situation that is 99 percent chaos in a week or so. I’m going to be in a building I’ve never seen before, against an army of people looking to possibly take me out for unknown reasons. Some of these people I’ve fought before, like Clauson, and Moore and the like but If I know my brother, which is the only brother I know it seems, There’s going to be a few surprises. But I’ve always been good at traversing the unknown. In my self isolation it was all unknown. Social cues, existence as a whole. All of it was a mystery. I excel at it, really. The unknown is home to me, Calvin. What I am also good at, is fighting a war on multiple fronts. So if you’d like to have your name added to the list, I can do that. Just use your actual name this time. Or is that unknown, too?

Calvin Henry Fagan
Your father was fucking right about you. You are a fucking monster.

Vincent Black
And yours was right about you…you are a pussy.

Father Paul Fagan
Language, please.

Vincent smirks and reaches into his wallet. He drops a keycard on the table, and walks away. He grabs the hand of Vhodka and kisses it. As they exit the doors, Vhodka looks back with her middle finger extended and yells ‘THANKS FOR COMING TO THE WEDDING!’ as the doors close behind them. Kal sits down in a seat, and his fists crack as they squeeze and shake in anger. Outside, Vin and Vhodka look out at the confines of Parts pretty well known, and Vin takes it in for what he assumes will be the last time. He doesn’t worry about his kids, or their mother, as Kal is scared of Voo and won’t do anything to upset her. The kids will live here for the rest of their lives and along with their cousins will someday inherit the land, making it their own.

From the left, Xavier walks up, two beers in one hand and a capri sun in the other. Vhodka catches it without looking at it and goes to work, as Vin takes the beer and chugs it.

Vincent Black
Far as family meetings go…

Xavier Wolf
Top ten.

Vhodka Black
Where was Angela at?

Vincent Black
Angelique. Heard they’re having a tiff.

Xavier Wolf
He really does fight with everyone all at once. Tell you, Its so weird being the most stable marriage in the entire family.

Vhodka Black
Excuse me.

Vincent Black
We’ve only been married for 11 minutes.

Xavier Wolf
And it kind of led to the destruction of the entire family.

Vhodka Black
That is a bonus. This cult needed to be taken down. HEY! What the hell happened with you and Strat!?

Xavier Wolf
oh, well that-

FADE OUT?

FUCK NAW!

PHRQ OUT!